eye_spy

so long, farewell, goodbye

2010-07-12T17:28:00.000-07:00

While I was celebrating my birthday and while basking over everyone's attention and greetings, someone close to my heart has been suffering for his loss. Well, I'm not really sure if he is a he or if he is a she. You see, there was a tragic accident and I was not able to get there on time. Heck, had it been that I was able to see the entire mishap I would probably have felt helpless anyway and I would likely just sit there and watch the life taken out of him. Worst would be for me to run in circles and all the more not do anything to help him out.

I failed him and it's just sad looking at him all by himself now, all alone, no one to talk to and feeling the cruelties of the world. He doesn't talk to me either. So I just sit there and look at him wander about, wondering what goes on in his mind.

It must have been pretty hard to keep on doing those mundane things you normally do without the other one around. It's just painful that sometimes I'd rather not watch and just leave him all by himself.

May you rest in peace and to you who has been left behind, may you have the courage to face the world and continue to live on for another 10 years?!?

His partner in crime got squished by that "boulder" and splat him to kingdom come.

Can someone tell me how to tell the sex of a turtle? Oh wait, scratch that.. I'll just go google it. That's the least I can do in honor of the critter.

another year

2010-07-11T17:58:00.000-07:00

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
~Abraham Lincoln

Now who says getting older is such a scary thought? A birthday after all is just another first day of our 365-day journey around the sun. So yeah, I just turned 26! Thank you dear Father!

Energizer Run

2010-07-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

There are several interesting things about joining Fun Runs. Other than the fact that the city's eye candies are gathered in one location, you also get to see how their girlfriends parade them as if they are their trophies. Well I'd definitely do the same if and only if I have someone I can put a leash on and run like they do in dog shows.

But no, I usually go with my running mates (read: office mates) and just ogle over those interesting "things" while they breeze past you all sweaty but still smelling so sexy. So we joined the Energizer Run last Saturday which was co-sponsored by the network GMA 7. It was fun although their program was pretty boring. So we just ran and skipped their "fun(?)activity" as their host said.

While waiting for the cue for everyone to gather in the Starting Line, there was a band (which I forgot the name) playing in the background and my lovely office mate got consumed by the beat and started dancing like crazy. Unknowingly there was a camera at her back and everything was captured on video. (I just hope that the video would end up in YouTube and she will be the next Lady Gaga (!) on the internet. I would love to see the look of her husband when he sees that video. I'm sure he would start to think of reasons why he married her.)

There were local celebrities and not quite done with her little stint, she started acting like Sisa and kept on screaming and waving at the guy on top of the van who was reporting about the run. I decided to take a little step backwards and pretended I was not with her. I then asked her who the guy was and she doesn't even know. Great!

Then the fireworks went off which marked the start of the race, she was just beside me when it started but I decided to leave her behind and sped off. 20 minutes later, I reached the finish line. Another 20 minutes passed and I was still waiting for her. Finally after another 10 minutes, she arrived looking pale and sticking her tongue out as if she was about to keel over. At last, she was all silent and behave! Fun Runs are more interesting when you bring your silly friends with you.

money, sex and power

2010-07-07T18:50:00.000-07:00

"Money is power. Sex is power. Having sex while getting paid is double the power."

Gawd! Now, that's one of the reason why I really dream of becoming a courtesan.

the mouth speaks what the heart is full of

2010-07-05T19:26:00.000-07:00

I like talking with strangers. Aside from playing DOTA which I normally do during weekends, engaging in talks with random people is like my form of diversion and stress reliever. Not really on the streets as I am too shy to do that but online. Besides, I think people would give me that queer gaze if I approach them and ask how their day is. But that would be a nice thought, I mean approaching people and just chitchat with them as if you've known them for ages and not worrying about them giving you this crazy look as if you've just grown a huge mole on your nose.

So yeah, just this morning since we don't have work last night because of this 4th of July in the U S of A (Thanks to our American friends who hired me and helped me bring food to the table) I spent some time online just reading what people are writing on the main chatroom. Then this random guy buzzed me. And since I'm a sucker for people who are so good with the Tagalog language, I indulged and listened to him rant about his love life not working out. Nothing out of the ordinary really but what made me think and pushed me to write today is more of what I said to the guy.

"Well that's how things are lately. People are kind scared of love. Not really of love but from the hurt that goes with love. And as the old adage goes: prevention is better than cure. So people tend to walk on pavements instead of taking chances and tread the streets."

And then he said, "Wow! Did you just speak for yourself?"

Shit! I feel like banging my head on the wall a thousand times. I am such a drama junkie.

facebook and the things people post.

2010-06-26T07:22:00.001-07:00

I hardly open my facebook account and when I do I always get something interesting. Take for instance what I came across the moment I opened the page:

In all fairness I like the tune of Justin's songs it's just that I find him funny. To me, he looks like a lesbian who just embraced her sexuality. No offense to his fans this is just me stereotyping. Actually we have a neighbor who looks just like him only she's a lesbian and the moment Justin came out, she also changed her name to Justin. So go shoot her!

give me back my toothbrush!

2010-06-15T18:15:00.000-07:00

Filipinos are known all over the world as being courteous and diplomatic and I guess this picture is one proof of that.

Our client was laughing out loud when she saw this note posted on one of the lockers near the training room and she said, "at least she put in 'kindly'. You guys are so polite!"

the things you do when your inebriated with Jose

2010-06-09T05:38:00.000-07:00

I can still remember the time I arrived here and being the typical kid who grew up in the province, I had the feeling that the city is too big of a place for me that it would swallow me alive the moment I start to wander off the streets. Then it dawned on me that the big city is freedom. Freedom from the watchful eyes of anyone attached to me, from home and of course from the infamous curfew.

Way back in the city where I grew up, I was the goody goody boy who from school will go directly home. Never tried anything illegal nor hasn't been into booze or even smoking. So when the big city opened its doors to this poor peasant boy from the province, I started going out and indulged in bingeing. There were even times when I went home not knowing who took me home and how I got home because I was completely inebriated by Jose.

Those were the days when I was pretty reckless and all that was in my mind is having fun. I guess the consequence of your actions would really bite you in the ass sooner or later and would really catch up on you at the most unexpected time.

There was a time when I completely lost my mind because of too much drink that I started kissing randomly whoever it is that I get to touch my lips with. Well, there was this girl, oh no, scratch that. He was a guy dressed as a girl who joined our table because he knows one of the people in our table. I don't really know what happened but they told me the following day that I was snogging the gremlin out of a dare. Thank heavens I was still alive then!

The worst hasn't come still because the following day, he started texting me asking me out for a date. That was the time I died. I don't have the slightest intention of going out with someone who is too effeminate. He was very persistent and I don't see any reason why he should be but I ended up being on the defense. I think he finally got the message cause then he left me alone.

Just this afternoon I went to Ayala with my younger brother to buy something. The place was peopled with a lot of eye candies and I was secretly eyeing some while my brother was busy looking at some of the items inside a shop. I haven't gotten any sleep and I look like shit but for crying out loud of all people that I would likely come across that instant, it's the gremlin from hell!

I pretended I didn't see him but I guess I am pretty hard to miss because of my bald head. So he approached me and I immediately told him I am with my brother hoping that he would get a clue and walk away but no such luck. He stopped to chit-chat and even asked that it's been awhile since we last hang out?!? I died the second time around. We never hang out!

I gave him a quizzical look as if he just grew a second head then without a word, I walked away. Gawd! That was embarrassing! I wouldn't even consider letting my brother know that I engage in trysts with the same sex worst with a tranny!

And that is the reason why I ended up ranting here again because I am just annoyed until now with how stupid I could get sometimes but you see, I've learned my lesson and I am now sober for close to three months.

random musings

2010-06-06T11:08:00.000-07:00

After getting rowdy and sweaty, and after energies have been spent I stood up and immediately headed to the restroom to tidy myself. I would have loved to go drama junkie again, turn on the shower and bawl myself out all the while telling myself "and dumi dumi ko." Then I realized I'm way past that phase that it gets easier and easier to just get laid and be a one time whore. So no, I took a pass at it. This time too, I'm no one time whore as we have been meeting up for the nth time.

As I faced the showerhead and allowed the water to beat on my face, I realized that it's been a while since I last experienced something that transcends the climax I experience in the four corners of the bed. It's always been like that for quite some time now: rubber please, now lube, and then let's get ready to rumble. After pounding the poor flounder and everything has been spent, heartbeats return to normal and then the void returns.

After composing myself and parading across the room naked to grab my clothes, he looked at me and said: "hey, why don't you just spend the night here for a change?" Right! Then what? Be intimate and blur the line between being friends with benefits and something else? No way! "I can't I need to get going," I answered. I cannot and I will not allow you to go beyond what we are having right now.

On a different note, I just knew that a friend just got engaged. Well they're straight but hearing someone about to tie the knot is something envying. When will my time come and how long do I have to keep on playing the defense? I've been telling myself that it's time for me to make myself happy but I cannot just bring myself to fall for someone. For a lot of reasons so shoot me!

With a sigh, he opened the door and let me out. It's always been like that, I come and I go. "Thanks for coming," he said. I just smiled. I think a Thank You would be enough for now.

another boring night

2010-05-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last visited this page and I hope I didn't miss a lot. I would have wanted to rant about how pissed I am with work. The usual bitchin around about things but I realized I don't really have the right to as I am not doing anything about it. It would have been cool if I would grow the nerves to just walk out of my job and tell them to kiss my ass. But no, the chicken shit in me is telling my puny brains to just let it pass. So yeah, I will spare my page with all my rantings.

Anyway, I just got a call from a friend last night and he invited me over for videoke. And yes, this is about another broken hearted soul. Why is it that most of my friends go out singing their hearts out when they are shattered to pieces? Well it's really hard to deal with losing someone but the thing is, the losing part doesn't really exist so to speak. Mainly because the guy is not really into him and they are not really an item. Like no "them" but just he and he.

Nobody wants to be side-stepped with things they are good at and I am the major drama junkie not my friend. So when he started asking nobody in particular if he is crazy feeling like that for the guy, I answered him: "I know how it feels but there's no you and him. So just stop it!" And yes, he called the wrong set of people so he might as well punish his liver with more alcohol. Seriously, why is the love bug everywhere but near me? Or maybe it takes more than a bug to topple down a drama junkie.

Now I kind of lost track with the things I would like to talk about. So yeah, I guess this is my way of checking out and saying hi to the blogosphere. Hello netizens!

blah blah blah im ranting

2010-03-21T05:32:00.000-07:00

It never occurred to me how exhausting it is to help others who hit rock bottom. I am proud to say that at one point I was able to help someone who is completely lagging behind and see that someone soar and overrun others. What is happening right now is the complete opposite of before and the frustrating part is that person threw in the towel and decided to just stay at the bottom no matter how hard it is that you tug at his hands to bring him up to his feet.

It's just so taxing that every time I think of what had happened makes me feel that I didn't exert that much effort. That something was missing and that there's still something that I could have done as an intervention. I could only do so much but at the end of the day, it's still up to that person to rack himself with maturity to rise to the occasion and pick himself from where he stumbled. The saddest part though is being looked in the eye and told "You made a difference and you played your part well."

This job is eating the life out of me and this Messianic complex always kicks in at the most inconvenient time. What I have gotten into is something I never anticipated. Then again, that's where the interesting part kicks in.

I guess I should go back to watching UP for the umpteenth time to complete my weekend. Adventure is out there! The wilderness must be explored!

on a night when everyone was wearing yellow

2010-02-20T09:10:00.000-08:00

I always deny it when people point their fingers at me and calls me evil. I instantaneously don on this innocent look, questioningly stare at the people around me and pretend I don't know what they are talking about. But tonight, tonight is the night I realized how mischievous I can get.

While having dinner with friends earlier, we talked about the security guard in the office who just recently passed away. The conversation got a good spin and before we knew it we were already talking about things that happened in the building. Not just ordinary things but instances and encounters with the supernatural beings.

I got goosebumps all over while my friend was talking about my previous team manager and how she encountered something spooky while working all by herself in the office. The security guard kept on dropping by to ask her if she is doing just fine. She of course answered that she is ok. The guard left the room and came back the second time after to see if all is well with her. That somehow made her think of something but she immediately brushed off the thought.

When she stepped out of the room to call it a day, she casually asked the guard why he kept on checking on her. She was then informed that there was a kid inside the room and it was playing behind her back. We all know 'bout the stories of building and its "inhabitants" and how some of them gets too frisky AND we all know that kids are not allowed at work.

Anyway, I was with Clipped on a Saturday night in the office to work on our monthly review. Then came another co-worker who's there to work on the same assignment as well. I decided to just go home since I am not in the mood to work and I'm being unproductive again. Before we parted ways, I told my other friend about the story of my team manager and I was holding back my laughter as her eyes grew wide in horror.

I don't know what has gotten into me but I didn't think that we will be leaving her all alone in the room. I just opened my mouth and told her the story while my insides hurt because I'm helping myself not to guffaw. She looked really scared and the moment we stepped out of the room she came out running calling for the guards.

I can get really silly sometimes that even now, while typing this I am still snickering. The way her eyes widened in horror and how she ran from the room screaming is still playing on my mind. Incidentally, the three of us were all wearing yellow. Hmmm.. I think the color yellow really triggered it. I'm no evil really. That was just me getting all sunny and happy because of the color of our shirts. I'm no meaniee.

my own version of farmtown

2009-12-26T22:05:00.000-08:00

There's a joke here in Cebu that goes: "If you want to feel like a celebrity, all you need to do is just go to Larsian." I say, if I want to feel like a Star all I need to do is go home and I'll be treated like a royalty. I was home a week ago and I am loving every minute of it mainly because all eyes were on me and being the attention whore that I am, it felt like I was in heaven.

Other than the fact that I don't have to slave myself with work, all I did there is visit friends, spend time with family, eat, sleep, eat again and sleep some more. We then went to the province and spent Christmas there which until now is still replaying in mind since I refuse to let go of the entire memory. Those days serve as my oasis of strength as I am now on the verge of throwing in the towel with the work load that I got back to after a short vacation.

I guess that's just how things work. Everything comes with a price and the 6 day vacation that I had would mean to say I would be swamped with work I'm almost drowning. Then again, I have pictures from the boondocks to keep me company. They're not really of good quality yet again, looking at those pictures chases the gloom away. I was a camera ninja then using my phone since my brother won't let go of the camera.

Oh yeah! We played poker until 4am in the morning.. yes, I was winning but it didn't last for long. Before I knew it, the tides have turned and I ended up losing P200 instead.

I just love the scenery there. Most of the locals were very friendly, except for this old man

who glared at me the moment I snapped a picture of him while peeling coconuts. Wherever you avert your eyes to it's green. There are animals everywhere and it felt like living my own version of Farmtown.

There were pigs.

and ducks..

and lots of coconut trees..

and I saw a horse,

and chickens.

I don't feel like looking at this picture though because the mother hen on the picture was given to me by my granny and days ago, my brother sent me an SMS saying mom just cooked the poor thing. Blah! It was supposed to be a joke by my granny. She wants me to bring the fowl to Cebu and make a pet out of it.

We actually had pictures while we were taking a swim in the pool at 2 in the morning but I wouldn't be posting pictures though since I looked like a whale stranded on a 7 feet deep pool. Embarrassing!

Before we went home, I rode on this cart while being drawn by a carabao. It's been 10 long years since my last visit.

I had a great time really.. and I hope you guys enjoyed the Holidays as much as I did! Hello 2010!

my most unproductive night.

2009-11-28T18:23:00.000-08:00

I woke up and I was running late for work. I hailed a cab and asked if he can literally fly the vehicle to work. He stepped on it and we are zooming past cars and pedestrians so I can still get there not later than two hours on the supposed log-in time. The driver sure did empathize with me and he was able to get me to my destination in no time. Then, as I was about to step out of the cab someone called me saying he needs a little of bit rescuing. He got stood up by his date. Great!

Since the devil was so good at teasing me with his time plan, I caved in and before I know it the driver was looking at me as if I were a loony who jumps inside his car and asked if he can apparate me from where I hailed him to my work and now to the cinemas. Need I elaborate how evil my friends are and how saintly I am?

So I waited for him for a couple of minutes and then we proceeded to buy some tickets and off he goes with his litany about dates who always bail out the last minute. Sigh! I've been dreading New Moon because we'll, I just don't like how Edward looks (no offense to the fans of the said saga. Peace tayo!) and how cheesy the lines are. Mind you, I was the one who introduced the story to some friends and I'm now one of those who are saying nay to the entire brouhaha.

In the middle of the movie, I asked my friend if he would like to be friends with both werewolves and vampires. Probably because he was still not over the fact that he got stood up he asked, "and then both of them will be in love with me?" I then reminded him that he is not Bella and never will be even if he gets a boob job.

Though he got stood up, he has a reason to be thankful. Why? Because incidentally, his brother was in the same movie house with his girlfriend and it would be a riot if his brother will see him with a guy for a date. He never realized this, I have to point out the obvious to him and I hope it made his day!

Close to three hours after, I am on my way to work and because my stomach was complaining because I haven't had any meal since that morning, I dropped by to yet another fast food chain to grab some chow. I know, I am not living a healthy lifestyle and whatnot. I gobbled the burger in less than 5 minutes and downed the pineapple juice and a can of coke. Now I'm full but now I don't feel like working anymore either. Dang!

So I decided to take a nap in my workstation since no one is around anyway except for my partner. I asked her to wake me up after 30 minutes just so that I will have the energy to work. I am like a boa constrictor who after eating will go hibernating for quite a while until I will have digested what I consumed. But no, scratch that. Instead of waking up and going back to work. I decided to just call it a day. Now there's goes another unproductive night. Blah!

another one bites the dust

2009-11-25T15:45:00.000-08:00

Just recently, the blogosphere has been bombarded with issues regarding love and sex and how the two gets intertwined and confused by some. Well.. another one bites the dust! A couple of minutes after I tidied my workstation to start working for the day, a friend barged in and said he has something to tell me. Okay, I'm all ears! So he started telling me about this guy he used to see and some of our friends reject because... well lets just say our circle of friends are mean and feelingeras and they think they are uber blessed with good looks and the guy is somewhat off the radar.

Anyway, though I feel for him because of what happened between him and the sea urchin... errr... the guy, I cannot help but laugh because I totally saw it coming. Not that I disapprove what's going on between the two of them but rather because with how he narrated how things were going, I can sense that this is another one that will go down the drain faster than he can let down his golden hair so his prince charming can give it a tug.

The good thing though is, he just laughed at the entire hullabaloo instead of bawling his eyes out, getting drunk and dragging me along to go videoke in a jam packed bar. Yeah, he sure was full of guts that time and mind you, he was on the verge of tears while singing. Embarrassing!

Now what cracked me up while he was telling me his story were the classic lines the guy gave him. Imagine being asked "Why me?" "Can we just be friends?" and "Don't tell me you're in love with me?"

And of course my friend being the drama queen that she is, asked the guy: "So all the while, it was just me who's in love here. I thought the feeling is mutual." Gawd! I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth. But of course since I was supposed to be the shoulder to cry on, I fronted a serious face and tried to console him the best I can.

Then of course the scene won't be complete without me saying my scripting. So I donned on my sweetest smile and told him, "My friend, remember in these times it is always best not to assume. Sex is just sex and regardless of how great it is, you're not to confuse it with love. Weeks ago, you said he is no longer contacting you. Not returning your calls and not even texting back as to how he's doing. A guy who's into you won't wait more than two or three days even to get in touch with you. Bottom line: he's not into you!"

"But the sex was great, he's sweet and all that" he countered. "Oh well, if that's the case then make him your fuck buddy," I answered. The thing is, the guy won't even kiss him the night he stomped on my friend's heart and mind you my friend wants to go to bed that night with him.

On the brighter side of the spectrum, the reason why my friend isn't grieving ~~that much~~ is because he found another one. This new guy exerted a lot of effort just to get his number that he asked a lot of friends and finally got what he wants. Is that a good thing or what? Now, the more pressing concern is whether the guy is really serious or if he's just in for another ride. I've said it before and I'll say it again, there's tons of fish in the water so go figure how to fish!

a text message

2009-11-23T18:35:00.000-08:00

"Hun, how come wala ka nibisita nako? Kalagon jud taka!"

Those were the exact words in the text message I received on my way to work. Hon, why didn't you visit me? I will haunt you????? Creepy! I was left completely bewildered and I was honestly spooked out!

Then I realized that the only person who calls me Hun is the same girl who got shot on her way to work. Who got robbed and helpless as she was, being so skinny and for crying out loud for being a girl, she got shot on the chest which ended up puncturing her lungs.

I came to work that night completely hyped to hear that our department bagged a place during the recently concluded inter-account quiz bowl. Then the news completely blew the enthusiasm out of me and I was weak on the knees that I needed to sit down to calm myself. It's situations like that that really makes me shut up and just think of how fortunate I was during the time that I got mugged and all my stuff were taken away from me. Although I was left bleeding on the side, it was just a small cut and I wasn't really stabbed or plunged to death with the freaking knife.

She was at the hospital for a week and because of the crazy schedule due to the client visit and whatnot, I completely lost track of time and failed to visit her. I know, I know.. Nobody can rely on me when it comes to time management. I suck big time at it! They said she was hooked to various wires and there were tubes inserted her body and now she's all stitches.

She is a good friend, although one hell of a whining agent and a self confessed bitch, nobody has the right to just take her life away from her. What has happened to the world? I know I have to make up for not being there at the hospital but thank heavens she's now OK! If (God forbid!) you will ever encounter such incident, give away whatever you have with you. Things are replaceable. Your life is not!

She's recuperating quite well and hopefully she'll be back on her feet to continue with her battles. And yeah, I guess I deserve that text message. I will just get even with her if she's completely healed.

its a s.l.o.w. friday

2009-11-20T11:55:00.000-08:00

Got in here at 8PM, it's still 4AM and I won't be hauling myself out of this place not until 9AM. Blah!

The things that happened within the past few hours:

1. Saw someone crying because they just lost a site-wide dancing competition. Err... I usually empathize with people who are so emotional but this time, I feel like laughing at her face. I mean come on, losing is part of the game. You hope but you don't expect! Besides, their performance sucks big time. I swear!

2. Someone gave me Starbucks again, I don't know why but since it's for free then Thank You!

3. And of course, drinks are better appreciated if there's food. Lo and behold, KFC Zinger is here to save the day. Thank you so much again? Teehee.. I know I'm unhealthy.

4. I also heard from an old friend and was completely aghast to know that now he's got a son??? Oh well, I guess he's finally moved on.

5. Then I got this cute email. Some people are just so "emo" that they even drag fruits along with their emo-ness but this "art" really made me smile like this: (^_______________^)

6. And I just met another blogger earlier: Dhon
Go check out his page. Suddenly, after meeting people (bloggers) the past days I feel like going out and meeting other bloggers. I mean, it's good to be back in touch with the world, out of the dark and dank cave that I've been living in. I feel human again. So any bloggers wanna meet up?

And who knows what will happen the next few hours. I still have 5 hours to go. It sure is a slooooow Friday, oh it's now Saturday. Now I lost track of the days.

me, myself and my stupidity

2009-11-15T08:17:00.000-08:00

This will be a quick post as I have more pressing things to attend to. I am here at work on a freakin' Sunday because there are a lot of back logs. Anyway this entry is about how silly and stupid I can get and how my stupid pranks backfired at me.

Since it's a Sunday the office is very quiet and I have the place all to myself. My partner will be coming over to finish her part of the back logs. I usually play tricks on her scare her to death by hiding under the desk and giving her a coronary the moment she sees me lurking there like Toshio from The Grudge.

One time she was late and she sent me an SMS saying she will just make up for being late and buy me dinner at KFC. So fine, apology accepted. The moment she entered the office I heard her ask the guard outside if I am still in. I was nowhere to be seen, I was hiding under her desk and I pulled the chair forward so she won't see me. She almost threw the food at me as pulled her chair and I started crawling out of the desk. She was shrieking like a mad banshee and she was torn between crying and laughing out loud.

Now, I got in first again and I heard someone at the entrance. So I quickly hid behind the door to scare her and then laugh at her face. I know, I am mean. This time though as I've said my silliness backfired because who came in was not my partner but my manager! Eerrr, she sure got surprised and gave out a shriek but she almost smacked me. I just lamely said I thought she was the person I was expecting to come in and asked her why she's here on a Sunday.

"What we're you thinking? Are you trying to kill me?" she asked.

Uhhhmm.. Maybe? She just laughed after though so I guess it wasn't that bad.

im addicted

2009-11-10T16:52:00.000-08:00

I used to say that I will never fall into the wickedness of massage and massage salons. I am not just saying that for the hell of it but I have my reasons. First, I am very ticklish that even the slightest contact of the hand on my body will make me squirm like as if I am set on fire. Silly really but that's just how my body reacts. Another thing is, every time I get a full body massage the next day I am sick, literally. With snot running down my nasal orifice and whatnot. Then I remember that at the start of the year I made a New Year's resolution: never say never.

So I confess, I ended up eating my words because now I am addicted to Thai massage. I am still ticklish but its sheer heaven hearing bones cracking (including my body) inside the spa. A bit sado-masochistic but that's just me. I had my full Thai body massage for the fourth time in four straight days. I don't know if that's a good thing or what but I'm enjoying it.

Then last Monday, while I was lying on the mat waiting for the masseuse to shatter my body to fragments, I remember the things I shared with my friends in reference of course to massage since that's what I am writing about now. There's my good friend who every after drinking session goes straight to a massage parlor to get his body caressed, fondled and what not by the masseur and errr.. the rest is too graphic to be talked about here. I just hope you got my drift though.

Then there's my other friend who fell in love with his masseur. Kind of weird really because he had a boyfriend and his lame excuse was he just wants a diversion. Well to each his own. Good thing though he ended the quasi-relationship before went completely bonkers over the guy, else he would be running after his money.

Then I remembered one time, we ended another drinking spree at around 5am in the morning and this friend started looking for an open parlor. Where are we supposed to go at that unholy hour to get a massage? There are a few around the city that are still open but he doesn't want to do it with a masseuse. So we scoured the outskirts of the city and even came to this spa/salon/whore house in A.S. Fortuna in Mandaue City. Thinking that they have masseurs inside because of this huge poster of David Boreanaz half naked we parked outside and asked around.

They charged P1500 for an hour of massage and that includes everything and I don't want to know what "every" includes BUT they don't have any masseurs. Mind you, the moment we entered the establishment we can hear moaning and beds creaking. Upon hearing the welcoming sounds my friend made a dash for the door as if he just got burned. Oh and by the way, in case you might be interested to check out the place it's Duke Massage.

So I guess the world of massage, masseuse and masseurs is like a breathing niche of interesting lives. Kind of like a little underground coven only with more people involved. Errr, scratch that! I suck with analogies. And before I end this post there's this online guy who messaged me who claimed that he's straight and yet he's been offering lingam massage and more for a good 4 years now. As if I'm buying that crap! If you don't know what lingam massage is go figure and let me know your thoughts!

atleast i feel loved.

2009-11-09T12:20:00.000-08:00

I feel so loved today. A good friend just came back from her trip from Manila and she got me a pack of hopia with mocha flavor which is kind of weird and at the same time something new to my palate. There's also this pandan flavor which I think tastes better than the mocha ones. Then earlier my mother called me up, initially upset because I haven't been in touch for days (and that's because I didn't buy any prepaid credits for my phone as I hardly make use of it) but in the end told me that she misses me a lot and that she loves me.

Then while inside the cab on my way to work the driver was very kind to ask me if the AC was just ok and that he'll adjust it if I want. Something trivial really but doesn't happen a lot so I say it's worth noting. Then out of nowhere one of the leaders gave me Starbucks coffee. Not really into fancy coffee (and something more expensive than a 3-in-1 Nescafe is already fancy for me) but he gave it for free so why not! Then my seatmate, although she raised her eyebrows at the gesture, gave me some of her rice cakes. So now I have coffee and cakes. Sweet!

Everyone is more than willing to feed me and I don't even look like a malnourished animal. What can I say, I'm easy to please. Before the end of the day I might end up bloated but at least I feel loved!

when I snap, I bite.

2009-11-08T17:33:00.000-08:00

Lately, I just feel so snippy that I have the tendency to start biting anyone who gets in my way. From last Friday until last night, I snapped a couple of times. First was when this fling turned into super cheesy friend started bugging me and go drama queen. He texted me asking if I would like to meet up that day to jog. I haven't been feeling well lately so I declined but he made a big fuzz about it saying I have been eluding him for months now. I don't know what he had for lunch that time but he started throwing daggers at me until we had a heated verbal opposition. He lambasted me saying "I am playing hard to get and it's not as if I am good looking enough for him to go loco over." Take that!

I grew my horns right there and then and skewered him to kingdom come. So I sent him a reply: "I know I'm not good looking and what is it to you anyway? I know my worth and how come you keep on asking for sex? If I'm not that hot you would have taken a clue and walked away when I started ignoring you. You are so lame!" I know that sounds too cocky but I felt being defensive. He texted back: "Sorry. It's just that I'm bored and I feel like bugging you." "Yeah right! You can take your boredom up your ass cause I'm not in the mood to play your silly games," I quipped.

Another instance was with this new online friend. He is a blogger that I've seen around but never said hi to and we were supposed to meet up and chitchat over my happy food. I didn't take my dinner that night thinking that we were going to push through with our meet up. So I went to work with an empty stomach. I was a bit ecstatic to finally meet up with another blogger aside from the usual crowd that I hang out with. He was online when I logged in and I confirmed if we are going to push through with the meet up. I don't know what happened but he started telling me that he feels I was just being forced to meet up with him and that I don't really feel like meeting up at all. Errr.. I didn't take my dinner??? We ended up not meeting that night and I don't know if we ever will.

Then last night, my two brothers, my older brother's girlfriend and her two friends decided to go videoke. They arrived late and I felt sorry for my brother for he has been calling her but she is not picking up. She was not in the mood when she arrived and she started whining at my brother. That did it! I snapped again and went after her neck. "If you don't feel like coming you could have informed us ahead of time instead of ruining our night. This was you're idea and I don't appreciate you throwing tantrums when we waited for close to two hours here without a word from you." Then I excused myself and played DOTA to make myself feel better. I was just so annoyed I feel like literally eating her alive.

And that didn't end there. When I paid for my usage at the cafe where I played DOTA, the bitch at the counter started complaining that she doesn't have change for my bill. My eyebrow hit the ceiling and I started growling to warn her that I am to go after her neck. My vitriolic tongue is about to spit acid shit on her face. Good thing she left her post.

My youngest brother then called me up and we met at Jollibee to have my usual happy food for snacks. He told me that I was just so mean to my brother's girlfriend and that she felt humiliated. He was laughing when he told me that my face looks so funny when I'm annoyed. I'm just so transparent that they can feel the tension inside the room. I guess that's just me. I am no good with poker face or what have yous. I just hope this week will be totally different.

fries and sundae: my own brand of happy food

2009-11-02T15:49:00.000-08:00

There are times when we feel so defensive and territorial to the point that we get annoyed when other people are hanging around with our friends and our friends opted to join them for a change of environment. Happens a lot really and I guess it's kind of normal for people to feel a pang of jealousy every time they feel abandoned. It's not really that they are being left out or forsaken it's just that it's wise to sometimes detach yourself with the people you usually tag along with. You need to grow and that would mean jumping out of your comfort zones. As they say, familiarity breeds contempt.

We don't really have to limit and have our world revolve around the lives of our friends. Even husbands and wives don't share the same activity everyday, yet they know who they go home to. How much more can you expect from friends? Letting each other broaden horizons is the best thing to do. Though it's natural to sometimes feel a twinge of envy towards those people whom your friends are spending time with, remember that if those people you regard as friends are your real friends then through thick and thin, despite the new acquaintances they meet along the way, they will always put you in the bigger picture.

As to the reason why I'm blabbering again, I remember my other friend last Sunday was a tad disappointed when he saw that one of our friends is hanging around with new faces. Not just that, I am trying to make myself understand as well that really: it's easier said than done. I am in that position right now and I'm currently eating my heart out while looking at my friend's album with her new friends. It's just one of those days when I feel like being selfish and no, I won't tolerate this for long. So I'm off to grab my happy food or junk: fries and sundae.

phone sex anyone???

2009-10-25T06:51:00.000-07:00

To each his own they say but I honestly just cannot understand why people gets turned on by phone sex. Owkay, so you're touching yourself while you hear the other person on the other line neigh like a horse in heat but still I cannot fathom where's the fun there.

I would be a total hypocrite if I would say I haven't tried phone sex but I wouldn't say I enjoyed it either and yes, feel free to press the eject button to catapult me to oblivion and I wouldn't care if you wouldn't buy that. So we both came and that's that. How do you explain it? It's that spur of the moment you get when the itch is there and you need release, after which you find yourself asking: what was I thinking?

I remember one time while I used to be with my previous account at our old location and I have an office mate who is so fond with foreigners. She is a lady boy whose past time includes chatting online with other nationalities and having them visit her to show them err.. the beauty of the city. Anyhow, we were at the closing shift that time and one of her "friends" called her up. Since it would be too scandalous to have everyone hear their conversation, she moved to the vacant workstations and continued their little talk. Their little talk turned out to be too naughty that everyone stood up to check her out since she started moaning. She then explained that her boyfriend needs a little fixing and she just gave him what he's asking for. So there!

This morning I woke up early because again, I forgot to switch my phone to silent mode. My phone was ringing like crazy and when I checked who's calling it was one of my flings before who I thought was already partying with the worms six feet under. I haven't heard from him for the longest time. I wonder what he's up to.

I sleepily answered the call and he asked if he just woke me up. I told him that's fine and asked what he wants. He said he just wants to check how I'm doing. After a few minutes he started talking naughty and he blatantly asked me if I'm up to phone sex. He woke me up at 8am to ask me if it's ok to fucking have phone sex with him early in the morning!

I didn't answer him and when he continued talking I pretended I can no longer hear him.

"Hello? Hellooo... Matt, I can't hear you. Hello?? You still there?"

and then I cut the call and of course just to make sure he won't call back, I switched off my phone.

Someone just fucking called me early in the morning to talk crap and pretend he's having sex with me. That's no way to treat someone who's as arid as the Sahara Desert for the longest time. You can take your whining and dirty talk somewhere else. I'm not in the mood to entertain kinkiness and I don't care about your morning wood.

Now, you may ask what's the point of this post. Nothing really, it's just that I'm listening to one of my office mates talking about phone sex while having dinner.

i woke up today with this feeling, that better things are coming my way

2009-10-22T16:48:00.000-07:00

Keep on movin - Five My Music - by Five

I havent been blogging lately as I am just too caught up with sleeping and running and playing badminton and errr, more sleeping. Friends already asked me whats with another blog hiatus and I just shrug the question off saying I don't feel like writing lately.

Today is actually an exception as this morning made me really really happy that I am compelled to write a short note about it.

Our department/account is looking for another officer and the search ended the other day. Today the news went out and much to the dismay, consternation, dread and whatnot of the other leaders, it was my friend who snatched the position dangling in front of the noses of their friends who vied for the position.

I was listening to the song Keep on Moving earlier and the song was playing on a loop while I was happily chatting with my Pok. I guess the song was pretty timely (really!) because my friend who was about to throw in the towel gave it another shot as I pleaded (and I know he is not the type who just quits that easily) and the effort paid off.

He was about to leave the company and start anew in Manila because he thinks a new beginning is what he needs (I say he just wants to go there because he is gaga over Max and he is just itching to see him in the flesh but that's TMI already and I know he will kill me for this.).

I am just so glad that I wasn't able to contain my excitement, I rushed to their floor (and I almost bumped on the glass door) to congratulate him instead of sending out an email. So there! Congratulations my dear friend and welcome to ~~hell~~ another endeavor. This calls for a celebration so bring out our friends Jose and Absolut.

it's not the size that matters, it's how you rock the boat that counts

2009-10-15T07:21:00.000-07:00

"Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.'

--- John Wayne

i heart paolo

2009-10-14T12:10:00.000-07:00

"Monogamy is a myth that has been rammed down people's throats for far too long. The inability to be monogamous isn't just a matter of excess hormones or vanity, but, as all research indicates a genetic configuration in almost all animals."

"David Barash, Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle said that the only species in nature that doesn't commit adultery and in which there seems to be one hundred percent monogamy is a flatworm, Diplozoon Paradoxum. The male and female worms meet as adolescents and their bodies literally fuse together."

from the Winner Stands Alone --- Paolo Coelho.

Interesting.. I should stop whining and complaining about why those guys I used to go "steady" with just can't keep their dicks inside their pants. One "friend" even came up with that reason saying he's just a guy and testosterone level is too high, overflowing even. I guess I'd rather see them as energizer bunnies running and humping around than become a flatworm and be one with them for all eternity. Oh well, I'll just let them live their lives as they see it fit. *sigh*

In the meantime I'll just heed Katy Perry's line: "There's tons of fish in the water, so the water I will test." So off to the ocean I go.

seriously, what were they thinking?

2009-10-08T08:37:00.000-07:00

Who in his right mind would try to hijack an 18,000 tonne, 525 foot command vessel and fuel tanker in the Indian Ocean? Well those Somali Pirates were audacious enough to raid this monster ship thinking that what's in front of them is a commercial vessel. I'm pretty sure they were scared shitless when they figured that their nightmare is floating afront looming like Goliath over David. This story cracked me up!

the night my heart shattered into pieces for someone i dont know

2009-10-05T22:23:00.000-07:00

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??

"Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend

all your time loving each other in your bedroom."(Judy, 8)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for

them."(Dave, 8)

In one of my posts, I told the story about one of my friends who was kinky as hell. Well she just got married. The interesting part is, she married someone she met online. They've been chatting for a month and whoopeydoo they tied the knot days after the guy got here. So if you are to think of it, they really just know each other in less than two months. Who on earth would like to get hitched in a span of less than two months from the time you started chatting? Well she did. To each his own they say.

Now the reason why I'm blabbering about her again is not because I find her real cool and that I'm hoping someday my time will come and I will go gaga over someone and just drag my ass to who knows where and get married. In a way I am still conservative and honestly find what she did as totally kooky. It's because along the line of flirting and having hot sex with the guy she sealed the deal with, someone got hurt (guy B). Now I am not throwing stones at her as I don't really know the other guy but with how she shared the whole hullabaloo, feeling guilty and with misty eyes I cannot help but feel for the other guy (guy B).

You see Mr-as-crazy-as-my-cuckoo-friend (the one she married and I will be referring to as guy A) went back to US already. So my friend is left here by herself not having any inkling at all as to what lies after marriage and after she took the name of guy A. Guy B who got hurt actually came first in her life and she just threw away everything to the wind after guy A decided to come and visit her. She said she just got tired of him.

So to make the complicated and long story short, Guy B didn't know that she just got married and she has no plans of telling him either. She tried breaking up with him but he is still clinging to the hope that she will change her mind and thinks that what's happening to them is just a petty misunderstanding. The day before she got married she received a notice about the fiancee visa that Guy B applied and she was really caught off guard and started feeling guilty about the whole thing.

Now the saddest part is she tried persuading Guy B to go back to the consulate and cancel everything. Guy B said he went there three times but he just can't do it and that the moment he steps in the office he immediately opens the door and walk away. He is asking for another chance and promised to be better. I was there when he made the phone call and I can't help but just look the other way to hide the fact that I feel so sad about the entire thing. In a way my heart also got broken that night.

She has her reasons but I really feel sorry for the guy. I guess I'm just overly emotional but really after what they've been through she just traded everything for someone she hardly knows. I am not putting down my foot and say she made the wrong decision because whether she did or she did not, it's her life that she is leading anyway.
I

I guess I'm just saddened by the fact that she took off the ring that Guy B gave her and exchanged it for another ring studded with diamonds from Guy A. Marriage is no light matter that you can just flippantly get in to and jump overboard once you get tired of it. While there are others who are just so damn desperate to get bagged least get taken seriously, others are having the time of the their lives breaking the hearts of others.

it's good to be back

2009-10-05T10:42:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to write about how I spent my Saturday as promised, to entertain two of my friends but I will digress. I want to tell both of them though that as usual on a Monday, I hadn't had enough sleep. However something interesting happened earlier today and after quite sometime I got back on my feet and started dating. It's not really something fancy but it's nice to feel like the princess on a white horse again. Like Rapunzel up in the tower waiting for my prince charming to shout my name and I, I will let down my non-existent tresses so he can give it a tug and climb the parapet to see me. That's just me letting my imagination run wild -- again.

It's been awhile since I last dated and it's nice to meet up with someone not in bed but somewhere else where physical contact is not that possible under the scrutinizing eyes of the public. A touch of the hand under the table every now and then, holding your arms when he gets the chance to. Things that I haven't been doing with someone aside from friends. It's giving me the high that I would like to do it again and I'm still recalling the experience until now. So eat your hearts out my dear friends.

On second thought, since I love my friends that much and I always try to keep my promises I will have them cannibalize my not so good Saturday. So I received a message from this guy with abs to die for in one of those dating sites (read: booty call/messaging site). So anyhow he wanted to meet up and since he's a hotshot, I didn't have the heart to turn him down because I'm really kind to cuties like him. When he called me on the phone and asked if I can drop by his hotel I literally had the cab flew to his location.

We met up at the hotel lobby and he invited me first for coffee which I graciously declined. He sure is an eye candy and my x-ray vision was totally scanning him up and down. Just when I thought I will get laid after being arid as the Sahara desert, Lady Luck turned her back at me and in comes this elderly Caucasian. He just sat in front of me nonchalantly and went down to business. I was flabbergasted when I knew that they were a couple and they wanted to have a menage a trois with moi. No can do, not my thing and definitely not with a very old guy who's as old as my grandpa. Imagine that, my grandpa is already 79!!!

Then he donned on this business-like tone and said he is willing to pay $100. Are you effing kidding me? I just puked in my mouth! The old geezer wants my ass for $100! So I stood up and look him in the eye.

"No offense but sex is no trade for me and I don't dig geriatrics."

I straightened my dress, grabbed my purse and went on clippetyclops with my 4 inch Manolo heels. Kiss my ass you cheap prehistoric critter!

I don't really want to go into the details as that would be TMI. I'm hoping though that Mr-Eye candy-with-abs-to-die-for will call me again and see me sans the old fart. I can only imagine me and him on a date. Gawd! I just heard my heart go thump-thump in my chest.

im coming out, i want the world to know... gotta let it show.

2009-10-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

The youngest brother of my friend is getting married soon. Last Saturday night, their entire family went to Ayala to have dinner with the girl's family and to formally ask for the girl's hand. Knowing the paranoid Tinkerbell in my friend, he sent me an SMS.

Ron: I hope no one who knows me will see me in Ayala with my family.

Me: You're just scared that they will approach your family and tell them that you're a full-fledged faerie outside your house.

Ron: That's the thing cause if someone will start bitchin around I will definitely come out of the closet and bitch back.

Me: You should have brought your feather boa with you and start sashaying inside the mall like Tyra Banks.

Ron: Our youngest brother is getting married and as expected I will be interrogated about my love life (or lack thereof) and plans of settling down.

Me: That's it! Lest your parents will push you to join the bandwagon, you have to confess to them that you prefer dicks over chicks. Or do you also dig chicks with dicks? Lol.

Ron: Labad!

He will be the only one in the family who hasn't settled yet -- or decided if he will eventually. Don't worry my friend, we will be here and we can grow old together downing barrels of vodka and what have yous.

i am just so effing upset right now that i dont even know what to say

2009-10-02T14:46:00.000-07:00

The world is plagued with fuckers. They will fuck you in the ass the moment they'll get the chance to.

awkward wednesday

2009-10-01T00:02:00.000-07:00

I was asked to come to work early today because they need someone to sit in for the interview of the new hires we need. Knowing that I haven't gotten enough sleep, my supervisor bought me coffee. On our way up from the coffee shop, I saw someone in the lift that somehow made me wide-eyed and sweaty as if someone just pushed the panic button and I go around running in circles, screaming as if my hair is on fire.

I never expected to see this person ever again. The deal has been sealed and he's just one those flings you have when the itch is there. No strings attached, they say. I don't know what's more awkward. Him seeing me and calling me by the "name" I gave him or my manager looking at me with a questioning look and asking me later on who the guy was. I tried to sound nonchalant about it and lied that he's a friend of a friend and we got introduced during those days when I go home completely wasted. I think she took the bait.

So we headed to the interview room and started asking the litany of questions. Then, unexpectedly, he came in. Oh-em-gee.. please give me a break! He looked so composed and cool that I asked myself, what if he will make it and he will become my office mate? NO! NO! NO! This will be the demise of my facade as the ever-pure-never-been-touched-never-been-kissed-celibate! This is so not happening. You are so not unmasking me today.

I hardly talked the entire time while he was being skewered by my manager. He just smiled and answered the question while I evilly snickered inside my head at the same time avoiding his stares.

I will burst your bubble!

Then it's my turn to ask the questions and of course since they delegated me to asked some technical questions regarding the support, I shot him some tricky queries -- which he failed to answer.

He stepped out of the room and we delegated as to whether or not we will accept him or endorse him to another room for another account interview. Of course, you know the answer to that. It's not just because I don't want him in the account (that's just a morsel of my reasons) but really he's not the profile we are looking for. I pointed out my views and my boss took those into consideration.

He came back in and she delivered the coup de grace.

Please proceed to the next room Mr. ____. We will be endorsing you for another account interview. Thank you so much for your time!

Saved! Sorry hun, not this time.

a sad Tuesday

2009-09-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

Tuesdays are no better than Mondays. Other than not getting enough sleep still, I'm swamped with reports that need to be finished, other than that I need to attend to two meetings wherein I'm not even sure if my presence is needed. I usually just sit there and pretend I understand what everyone is talking about while I doodle on my notebook, fighting the urge to doze off and snore while everyone shares their two cents of the issue at hand.

This Tuesday however is a bit sad. We had our early "team huddle" and other than talking about our means of reaching out to those victims of the recent typhoon, we were informed that one of our co-workers passed away. She is not the kind of girl who goes to work with her face caked with foundation and make-up or what have yous. She is not the typical corporate slave who works for all the vanities in life she wants. And it's sad to see that someone so young and full of life at 21 was taken away without warning.

She was a consistent top performer in their account from the very start and until the last day that she went to work, she's been thinking of how her team will perform and the food that she needs to bring to the table. She helps her dad who is a baker feed the family but her income is what's keeping the family stay afloat.

A scholar and a cum laude graduate in one of the finest universities in this city, she never failed her family and kept their spirit alive with her promises that soon enough she will haul them out of poverty. Until her last day of work she never thought of anything else but the welfare of the team and offset the others' absenteeism even though she is already suffering with a terrible headache. I salute you for your unselfish ways of approaching your stressful job.

After schooling she applied to this company and got hired and was about to be regularized a month from now but I guess that will no longer happen. As she was still under probationary, she still doesn't have any life insurance and that is now her family's bane. That day, from work she was already complaining about her headache until she asked her mother to rush her to the hospital because she can no longer stand the pain. Hours after she fell, into a coma. She joined the Creator the next day after being pronounced dead due to aneurysm.

The saddest part is, now that she is gone the family is crippled with the bills and until they can pay the PhP72,000 the hospital won't release her body. I understand that that's how hospitals work, "business is business" but they should also find means to bend the rules without breaking it. If only I have resources to bitch slap those greedy hospital administrators with the money they need I could have done that but for now, I guess what I can offer is my little help and my prayers.

You are a loss not just to your family and friends but to your team and to the industry. A promising young lady full of zest to prove to the world that you can make it despite the financial hurdles. I tip my hat to you and I hope that wherever you are right now, you will be in peace looking and watching over your loved ones.

Aling Dionisia

2009-09-28T05:59:00.000-07:00

This lady sure is having her fair share of the limelight with her son. Of course, not everyone enjoyed looking at her face plastered on our tubes but you can complain all you want and she won't give a rat's ass. I personally don't take pleasure looking at her every time her ads come up on TV and I get to see her on the news dancing the tango but I don't detest her that much either.

A friend however makes a huge fuzz every time he sees her. She is his brand of pet peeve and I really enjoy seeing him cringe at the sight of her. Every time I receive something in the mail about her I never fail to forward it to my friend. And lookie here, this is what I got the moment I opened my mail his --- personal bugbear.

In all fairness she looks close to being 14 again here.

these two are a crazy bunch and i think they should go separate ways...

2009-09-25T07:27:00.000-07:00

Who is to be blamed?

Boy says he is truly-madly-deeply (yes like the song!)in love with the girl. Girl is head over heels over Boy. It was kizmet or so that's what they think. The moment they met up, they were like a crazy wake of vultures pecking at each other. They were happy and it seems like they just can't get enough of each other. Everything went smoothly the first few months. Until one day...

Boy suddenly started to doubt Girl's intentions. He summoned his minions and started investigating Girl, sleuthing wherever Girl goes and checking on her every now and then. Girl said she always doubt Boy's loyalty and feels that Boy has a lot of side dishes and she doesn't like that. She checked on Boy's emails and found out that Boy has a lot of monkey business.

Boy's effort to rummage the skeletons inside Girl's closet was fruitful. He found out that aside from him, Girl has a two other paramours and are still contacting her every now and then. Boy got mad but never said anything to Girl because he "loves" her.

Then Girl figured out one of Boy's darkest secrets. Boy is married! Girl feels like dying. She is hurting and thinks that the world is over for her.

of sex and chocolates and kinky friends

2009-09-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

While it is true that girls talk about sex as much as men do, it's totally different if the person you're talking with gets too graphic and details what happened behind closed doors with no inhibitions at all. My bitch of a seat mate is back (and yes, she's really a bitch). After a week of being out of the office and basking in the sun in Palawan with her American boyfriend, she is finally back and glowing. Of course I wouldn't allow her to sit next to me if she doesn't have any "peace offering" for dumping her obligations for the previous week to me. So she bought me a bag full of chocolates. Yum yum yum...

She is however "sore" according to her. As to why, well I'm pretty sure you have an inkling as to what will happen if you get reunited with your boyfriend after awhile of separation (read: LDR) right? She sure needs someone to staple her mouth as I am getting nauseated with her detailed account of how her vacation went. She will have Margie Holmes run for her money and I am left blushing and feeling embarrassed with what she's saying. I can tolerate lewdness with friends but it's a different thing if one starts showing all the love bites she has.

"What the eff happened to you?" I asked.

"Well, you know what these are! Don't pretend you don't have an idea. Innocence is not your last name," she quipped.

With that I gave her a smack on the head. "You bitch! Your boyfriend is a leech. Good thing he wasn't able to suck the soul out of you. He's about to eat you alive!So that's why you have your collar up eh?"

"I know right and look here..." She then proceeded to show me the hickeys on her cleavage and two at the back of her thighs. Before she could start stripping herself inside the work place I had her stopped. I don't want to see what happened to her down there.

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"You should try having sex with your body covered with chocolate." she added with an evil laugh.

My eyes traveled from the bag of chocolates she gave me and the evil nasty grin pasted on her face. What was she thinkin'?

"Stop! You guys are so kinky."

round one, fight!

2009-09-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

I hate Mondays just like everyone else. I don't get to have enough sleep and I usually go to work feeling groggy and irritable. (So yeah, don't talk to me the moment I stepped in the office on a Monday shift, I bite.) Anyhow, since I don't want to force myself to go to dreamland this afternoon as that will just give me a headache, I decided to go to the mall with mom. We headed to the nearest mall and had our late lunch after which I had some games downloaded to my PSP.

The store for downloading was near the foodcourt and for some freakin reason the place was crowded with teenagers. I hate them. Not because I am old and they are young but because I hate how they look. I have nothing against gothic-emo-looking teenagers or however you want to describe them but it would be beneficial for everyone if they could atleast take a shower before heading to a populated place like the mall.

Now this post is not mainly about them and about me being sore because of seeing them but rather its about catfight. Yes, I love to see girls fighting. Not just the verbal argument and what have yous but the real pugilism, hair grabbing and slapping sans the boxing ring. Oh yeah! Girls are just so sexy when they bare their fangs and feline claws.

While waiting for the downloading to be done, my mom and I were busy looking at those action figures the store was selling. Suddenly a commotion started outside. And lo and behold, two girls were grabbing a handful of each other's hair. Sexy! Then there was slapping and kicking and more hair grabbing. It was like a scene out of a movie and I my eyes were glued to the two. Then of course the guards came and pacified the two and brought them to I don't know where. I was sad. Show is over. Back to normal programing people. Kids these days are warfreaks and they are a source of unlimited entertainment, I tell you!

I was feeling nosy that time so I asked around what happened before that. I was told that the two were arguing over a guy when suddenly the shorter girl threw her cellphone to the other girl and it hit her on the face. Whapppakkkk! I'm pretty sure she'll be having a pretty little bump on her head. I would be pretty impressed with myself if I were the guy, I mean who in his or her right mind would start a fight inside the mall because of an effin boy?? I say bring in the boxing gloves and the mouth piece but can we just do it inside the boxing ring?

which is more painful: getting cheated emotionally or physically?

2009-09-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

While waiting for the meeting to start, one of my officemates nonchalantly asked me:

"Which is more painful, being cheated emotionally or physically?"

“What's this all about?” I asked. And before I was able to open my mouth again, the person next to me butted in gave her thoughts. According to her for them girls, being cheated emotionally is more painful. I looked at her and said, “You're not even a girl for crying out loud!” For that I got a smack on the head. Ouch! Ok, I deserved that.

“It's the other one for us guys. Knowing that you're being cheated physically is way painful and I know how it feels,” my guy friend answered. Boohoo!

The topic became an instant issue during the meeting that we get to talked about cheating instead of going directly to the issue that needs to be addressed. I say, there is no difference. One is as bad as the other and no matter how you look at it, there's just no good that will come out of it.

Then I found out that she thinks her husband is cheating on her and she partly takes the blame. Sad. Really.

tired and feeling dejected...

2009-09-17T14:59:00.000-07:00

"Nobody said it was easy,

No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh, take me back to the start."

love makes the world go round

2009-09-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

"One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it."

-Vincent van Gogh

My heart goes out to my friend when he said that its high time that he finds a partner after years of being alone and lonely. But I commend the audacity and courage of Granny. Despite her age she still knows how to color her world red.

At the age of 107 who would have thought that a woman like her is still in the look out for another partner? While I am shooting at the sky to find my perfect match, dear granny is already on her 23rd husband and counting??

the day i realized some kids are really evil

2009-09-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

Cheryl of www.starbucksbreak.blogspot.com never failed to amuse me every time I go to her page and sleuth her. She is the first blogger I came across who posted an entry about kids being Satan worshippers. And incidentally she was the first person I thought of yesterday when I came across this real Satan worshipper of a kid. For the first time I looked at kids as despicable mean creatures and I was itching to just smack him on the head if only that's politically correct.

Anyhow, I met up with a friend yesterday afternoon and decided to hang out at a cafe to play DOTA. We stayed there for hours and when our stomachs were complaining that its about time to eat, we headed to Jollibee to grab some chow. The place was jam-packed since its a Sunday and the mass from the nearest church just ended.

So we chose a spot and I sat down to reserve the seats while my buddy ordered the food. There were kids running around and the entire place was a riot of unruly imps. I was busy texting with my other friend asking him to come and join us when suddenly I felt something on my back. It was wet. Cold at the same time.

I looked back and there he was, the spawn of Satan. Pretending to be innocent while covering his mouth as if shocked with what he just did. I can sense that he was snickering inside. I got up and felt the ice cream dripping on my shirt. The cone dropped to the floor with a flop and I was like what the f*** do you think you're doing you creep??

I was probably already red on the face because the kid ran towards his mom. I could have eaten him alive right there and then. He could have made a good main course. The mom didn't even bother apologizing for what her kid did to me but she just sat there and laughed! She effing laughed at what happened!

The worst part was my friend laughed along with her and I was left all alone about to explode that I can feel my veins pulsating in my temples. Grrrr.. I hate kids!

i want nobody but you!

2009-09-08T14:31:00.000-07:00

This is just a quick post since I have a lot of things to do as I am bombarded with requests and backlogs after being out of the office for 4 days. I got this email from a friend and I'm not really sure if this is for real or just another story from someone who's good with photoshop.

Anyhow, I got this pic through email. Not really sure as to where this came from but if this were for real I would definitely start memorizing the song, together with the dance steps with matching arms akimbo (that's in Korean of course!).

Tragic!

the distinctions of men and sea critters on a sunday night

2009-09-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

It’s been awhile since I started my hiatus from going to bars and dancing to the beat of eargasmic music like a totally inept person (I know, I suck at dancing).

So since I promised a friend that I will finally come out of my cave, I tagged along last Sunday to yet another bingeing with them. (My friends are so good with punishing their livers almost every weekend.)

After an hour or so of howling like a pack of deranged hyenas at a videoke shop, we decided to check out the infamous Numero Doce. For a Sunday, the place was still packed with regular drunkards.

They spotted some of their friends, made some beso and finally settled next to two guys whose names I can no longer recall. The middle-aged guy was a doctor and the other one was a nurse who was able to smite my friends heart faster than he can spell f-c-u-k. That’s another blog entry of course.

While everyone was busy nursing on their beers, I just sat there and scanned the place for anyone interesting. For some reason my radar wont pick up anyone worth the attention within a 50 mile radius. Tsk…tsk… I feel so out of place. So I started a conversation with the person to my right.

Me: For a Sunday, the place is still peopled with all these butterflies or whatever you call them.

Friend: Yeah! Look at those prawns! (pasayans).

Me: I know right. This place is like an extension of District 9.

Friend: So you’ve seen the movie?

Me: Yeah! Went to see the flick instead of UP.

Friend: And look at those old closet fags. I think they’ve just realized that Numero Doce is their kind of place. They look so straight acting but look at how they sway their hips. (Incidentally, Single Ladies was booming in the background.)

Me: Haha. You are such a bitch!

Most of my friends are mean and their meanness comes really handy when you’re bored and in dire need of entertainment.

Friend: Look at that guy. I swear he looks like Manny Pacquiao.

Me: Buang! So if guys with hot bodies with not so pleasant to look at faces are called prawns, what do you call his type? (referring to Mr. Manny)

Friend: They are the sea urchins! They are still part of the food chain although they are at the very bottom. When one is inebriated, the sea urchins go up a notch in the food chain and seem to blend with the prawns. One wouldn’t make out the difference and by then it wouldn’t matter anyway.

And true enough, before the end of the night he was gyrating with this random guy who looked at him as if he’s about to eat him alive. Sea urchins are dangerous. In Vino Et Veritas!

of emails and girls getting pregnant.

2009-09-03T13:47:00.000-07:00

I am still a bit dazed with the sudden death of our Aunt and though I haven't fully recovered from the blow, another not so pleasant news came in. This time it left me feeling impaled in the guts. My mother just called me this morning to tell me that my 18 year old cousin is pregnant. That was an assault that made me sit in bed and wonder what on earth is going on with the people around me. I wasn't able to go to sleep because of that and the best thing to do is just to play DOTA but that's another story.

When I got in to work today and checked on my emails, one of my co-workers sent me a mail which is somehow related to what happened to my dear cousin. Golly, what is wrong with all the kids today! Good thing my mangina is not attached to any uterus or fallopian tube or whatever anatomy there is for girls.

*Sigh*

The best short story...

and then i remember...

2009-09-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

i just got in and the first thing I usually do is check my mails and browse for articles here and there. i stumbled on this blog entry in yahoo: woman got fired,its about a woman who got fired because of sending confrontational emails in bold and ALL CAPS letters. the reason why the article made me laugh is because back then in college, i always get reprimanded by my professors for not using the correct format when doing reports. i suck when it comes to following formats.

i hardly capitalize the first letter in all my sentences when submitting projects and reports. i just dont like looking at the "i" in my sentences in bold letter. i dont make use of apostrophes and what have yous but at least i can still come up with something readable and coherent enough to mull over -- or so i think!

i always get drilled under the tutelage of our teacher whos a spinster and a meticulous "grammarian" but i never heed her word and so i incur a lot of deductions in my reports.

just like vicki walker though i got to laugh at the issue when it comes to our poetry class since mr-high-and-mighty-i-am-a-palanca-awardee-professor justified my way of writing as inherent to the writer and its perfectly ok with him. i guess just like him i think its "to each his own" when it comes to writing. for as long my style doesnt aggravate anyone reading it, i think that a-ok! on second thought, i guess i did annoy my grammar teacher but then again she's so 5 years ago.

radio

2009-09-01T06:21:00.000-07:00

I am currently listening to monster radio and they are talking about gay-straight relationship and the ever "baffling" question came up:

If a straight guy will get into a relationship with a gay guy sans the "benefits" issue, will that make the "straight guy" gay???

Duh! That shouldn't even be categorize as baffling.

And then one gay guy made a comment: "Guys, come out! Come out! Mainit sa loob ng closet!"

I like! and yes, I'm now slacking.

Wishin' You Well

2009-08-31T10:08:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago the Demigoddess made a blog entitled: There's Gotta Be More To Life, days after my Aunt passed away. I'm not really sure as to how to connect the two but for some reason her post was the first thing I remembered when the news came in.

My brother and I were just talking about her that Saturday morning and we know that she's terminally ill. Everything went wrong after she had her operation to the point that she started losing her voice. The thing is, the last time I saw her she was still up and running around, though I know she's sick she looks perfectly OK to me. Then we received the message that she left us the other day. I was stunned.

There were some comments made on that blog entry about the value and validity of eulogies and whatnot and that's one of the myriad of issues plaguing my mind now. I don't feel like working today and all I want to do is just sit and think of the things going on around me, including your death. Well it may be true that making trivial things seem profound won't help at all but there's this nagging feeling inside me that won't just go away. And I guess the only way is to hear myself through writing.

I wonder what will people say during the necrological service? I don't personally hate her and grudges were already settled but how about the other people she wronged?

They say the moment you die, your spirit is free to roam around and that's the time that you get to see and hear how other people see you whilst you were still alive. Pretty neat if that were really true but would you be willing to hear all the crap other people say about you? Will you take the chance to see yourself in the perspective of a different person?

How would you feel knowing that even your children half-heartedly grieve for their loss (or so that's what they say)? That though they came from you, they still talk crass things behind your back. I cannot in my entire lifetime say something negative about my own mother in front of any of my friends but you're son easily made fun of you and that saddens me.

Your demise made me think of how fleeting life is and how short it is to screw things up and to go about upsetting the people you come across. People always think and say good things when someone leaves for good but I honestly don't know what to tell them if they were to ask me for some memories of you. It's sad that you never showed me the other side of you -- the warm, kind and loving Aunt. I'm not sure what I'm trying to get across but wherever you are though, I guess I wish you well and may you find the happiness you are looking for. R.I.P Auntie!

can't think of a good title for this... its just one of those spur of the moment,.

2009-08-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

There are times when you just feel like giving up and just throwing everything to the wind. Stop caring and just live like a driftwood floating in the ocean not knowing where the waves will take you. I feel like doing that lately, what with all the things I've been through. I just feel like curling into a ball and just sleep for a very long time, hoping that by the time I open my eyes everything will be just fine and I'll wake up from this bad dream.

But no! This is no dream. Life's a bitch and it's either you play the ball game or just sit on the bench while you watch everyone have fun. While I was moping around, licking my wound and trying to detach myself from this cruel world (read: feeling sorry for my own crap), The Big Boss above routed my attention to CNN and made me read this news about this quadriplegic.

He's this guy from Australia who wanted to end his misery and just go back to where he came from -- to ashes, to dust. Euthanasia is never an option but the high court of the country ruled out that the man has the right to refuse food and water and is allowed to die through starvation. He is paralyzed but he still has the capacity to communicate his wishes saying: "I can't move. I can't even wipe the tears from my eyes. And I'd like to die. I'm imprisoned in my own body. I have no fear of death. Just pain."

Sad really and quite a shock to all family and right-to-life advocates but the most depressing part is his losing the will to live. Well it may be true that at times I feel like giving up and I plan on ending my life in any imaginable ways but at the end of the day, I always chicken out. And I'm thankful for that. For being yellow. For being coward. For not taking my own life.

That was an eye opener and I thank thee Lord for pounding some sense into my head.

While I'm busy tapping on the keyboard and putting into writing my blathers and blahs in life, my seatmate keeps on bumping my chair. After reading this article, I don't know... I just feel like giving her a bear hug instead of being annoyed and strangling her to death.

Life... para kang buhay!

just shut your trap!

2009-07-06T06:57:00.000-07:00

Why is that some people deny their age and pretend that they are this young. Not that they look old or that they are old but they just want to let you believe that they're stuck with that age. For instance, this person sitting next to me is already 25 but she pretends that she is still 23 and she makes a big deal out of it that she talks about it almost everyday. I guess that's one of life's ironies, everyone wants to live long but no one wants to get old. But the thing is, if you are aging gracefully I think that's one thing you should be proud of. Not everyone lived their lives happily and not everyone gets the chance to live that long you know.

And what's with others pretending to be someone they're not just to earn a reputation. A false reputation that no one believes and yet they continue to live in their own version of La La Land. Sad really that they have nothing else to show off but the fancy things they have. Maybe I'm just annoyed at myself because for some reason I just don't have the guts to tell them to get lost or to choke on their spit.

As to why I'm ranting again, I don't know. Maybe I'm just bored or that I'm worn out. Or maybe I'm just tired of the crap that those people tell me. It's either they're too dense to see that I'm not interested with what they're saying or it's about time that I tell them on their face to just shut up.

it's just one of those days.

2009-07-04T03:10:00.000-07:00

I hate it when it rains.

and the green eyed monster strikes again...

2009-07-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

"Despite being an annoyance, do believe that there is someone out there who will love the monster in you and would just hug you when you are about to mutate."

I don't have any idea who said that but will my "someone" please show up now? Like really right NOW?! I just saw two PLUs at McDonalds sharing a serving of fries and so as not to be obvious, they were holding hands under the table. Blah! The green eyed monster sprang to life that instant. Quick, give me a hug!!

i hate it when i forget to turn off my phone before bedtime

2009-06-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

My phone rang and I sleepily answered it. I checked the time and it's 9AM!! On the screen was an unregistered number. Who the eff is this? I groggily answered the call and on the other line was the voice of a woman who's name I can no longer remember.

Me: Hello?
Lady: Hi! I'm actually calling from Citibank to do background check for Miss X. Do you know her? We have your name here as one of her references.
Me [sounding annoyed]: Yes. She's a friend. What's this? A credit card application?

She asked a series of questions which I grumpily answered as she just woke me from my kinky dream. One thing that I noticed was she's using three languages while on the phone with me. She switches from English to Filipino to Bisaya.Now I'm getting suspicious. I'm a skeptic. Then another funny thing happened, the sound of a child crying came into the background.

That was the time I asked her if she's really calling from CitiBank. She opted to ignore my question.

Lady: Is Miss X living with someone right now?
Me: Is that relevant to her application? If it is, then that should be in the form that she completed right?
Lady: OK. So do you know someone could be another reference for Miss X?
Me: What? That should be in the form she filled out!
Lady: Right, sorry. May I ask for her contact number please?
Me [really annoyed]: Listen lady, what's with the questions? She hasn't changed her number you know. If you're really calling from CitiBank and she filled out a form, everything should be there. How did you get my number in the first place? Now if you don't have any other silly questions, I'm going back to sleep.
Lady: Sorry to bother you sir and thanks for the time.

I asked Miss X about it and she was completely clueless. She didn't apply for any credit cards and she'll never will. I still have the number of the caller so I gave it to her. Had her iron out things.

Sorry lady, you got the wrong timing to call me. Had it been that you dialed at the right time, I could have been more accommodating and probably might tell you something about Miss X --- or not!

thanks for making me laugh so hard

2009-06-23T06:29:00.000-07:00

It's never nice to laugh at the downfall of others but sometimes there are instances when you just can't help but smile to prevent yourself from rolling on the floor while laughing your heart out.

Earlier today instead of going to sleep by the time I got home, I decided to just go to National Bookstore at Mango Avenue. I was so pissed off that I need to go out, instead of locking myself in my room. I need to think, I have to breathe. Looking at the arrays of books with their haughty price tags helped a lot.

Since I'm on a tight budget I just satisfied myself with looking at those pricey books but eventually I gave in and grabbed another copy of "How To Kill A Mocking Bird" before I stepped out of the bookshop.

Then I saw the person who made my day. Wearing a shirt with a Superman logo emblazoned in front. Not really the very good looking type but he is screaming with sex. He has a body of a Greek god and I happen to know that he is a PLU because I've seen him once at Doce partying like there's no tomorrow.

So I followed him with my eyes while he and his friend crossed the street carrying a bag of food from Jollibee. They look so happy together, laughing while traversing the pedestrian lane. Halfway through the street, the lights turned green and traffic started moving. Between the pavement and the pedestrian lane is mud and there is a need for them to hop over it to get to the safe side.

Unfortunately, Lady Luck didn't smile at him. They, beating the red light and the sight of mud on the street spelt disaster. Like a movie played in slow motion his right foot missed the pavement, he slipped and spaghetti went flying out of the bag. His partner started laughing so hard and I stopped on my track and just completely looked at them.

The funny thing was his right slipper got stuck on the mud that he has to yank it out of the puddle. He started limping like he just stepped on a pile of shit while carrying his dirt covered flip flop. That was unfortunate really but you gave me a good laugh that I was still laughing while I was inside the jeepney on my home. The lady in front of me eyed me queerly but I didn't care. That made me feel a bit better. Not nice really but what can I do? I'm no superhuman!

this is what i do when im bored..

2009-06-20T21:29:00.001-07:00

For lack of better things to do, I started answering some of the surveys/quizzes in facebook. I stumbled on this test entitled: ANONG KLASENG LIBOG MERON KA? Interesting..

Let me see if this thing can really guess what kind of animal lies within. So I started answering a series of questions and low and behold:

SOBBBRAAAANG LIBOG MO

Ikaw yung tipo ng tao na alam ng lahat ang mga sexlife mo at ang mga nagagawa mo na sa buhay mo. Konting haplos lang libog na libog ka na. Madalas kang nakikipagsex, at sarap na sarap ka dito.

Could it be that this is true? Lol! I wish it is unfortunately I'm still on a hiatus right now. Or could it be that this is something zapped from the future? Hmmm...

when the animals in the circus go wild

2009-06-17T16:20:00.000-07:00

The downside of being someone in position is when you show the slightest sign of weakness, everyone tries to peck at you. Too much expectations set. I know I was being mean but with how things went, I say you asked for it. I enjoyed looking at you being skewered and you squirmed as the spotlight zoomed in on you. You were on a tight spot and I, I don't have any plans of covering your ass this time.

It's a dog eats dog world and you're not supposed to act like Reese Witherspoon (read: Legally Blonde). I understand that you may not know everything but you brushing their questions off as if you don't give a rat's ass won't help cause the more you ignore them, the more they want to go after your neck.

It's a circus out there and you are the ring master. Strike and whip the lions too hard and you'll run into the risk of getting attacked. Be gentle and be kind and you'll see them jumping from one ring of fire to another.

Different strokes for different folks. May this day be a learning point for you. Until the next show...

stop right there!

2009-06-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

While I was happily biting on my burger while listening to some songs online, he popped in. It's been awhile since I last heard from him and I'm happy for the lack of communication. It's over and there's no point talking.

I tried ignoring him but I forgot I'm not in invisible mode. I told him I'm having my lunch and I'm at work. He said he just wants to talk. I know he will eventually drop a bomb so I braced myself. I'm kind of getting used to his style. And then he dropped the explosives. He asked if I can go out for awhile and meet up with him. What's the point? It's over and I'm at work.

Before he could even say another word, I told him "No! I don't want to." I've reached the finish line and though I want to see him, I was glad I was able to contain myself. Too often, going after what feels good means letting go of what is right. I don't want to go over the same shit again. My tearducts are too proud to cry you a river again.

the world is plagued with sick people... seriously.

2009-06-05T10:57:00.001-07:00

I just started reading Robert Fulghum's book All I Really Need To Know I learned in Kindergarten today and one of the few things he mentioned on the first few pages were:

FLUSH and

CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESS.

I went to the loo to take a leak and I noticed that maintenance forgot to put a fresh roll of paper towels in the dispenser. I'm not fond of using the hand dryer so I decided that I'll dry my hands using soft tissue instead. So I went inside one of the cubicles to get some when I noticed that inside the bowl was a huge pile of dinosaur diarhhea. Then I remember my colleague reminding me that he doesn't want to use the restrooms on that floor since people leave their "nuno sa punso" floating inside the bowl. One happy piece of shit completely intact and sunbathing inside the porcelain. People!!!!!

I cannot explain how disgusted I was. I ranted my litany of complaints for a good 30 minutes until the person I'm with told me to shut up.

Seriously, who in his right mind would leave their own shit lying around for others to see? Sick. totally sick.

economic recession anyone?

2009-06-04T14:06:00.000-07:00

When I came in to work today, I noticed my seatmate busy chatting in MSN with her boyfriend in US. Aha, you are so busted! Caught slacking and sending sweet nothings to someone is not part of the contract you signed for this job. I started teasing her about it and I even joked that I will report her to IT.

She just laughed at me and said she wants her American boyfriend to send her money else she will pawn her phone and their communication will be cut-off until she can have her phone back. Hmmm... sneaky bitch! She then added not to worry because she knows that he will give in and that she will treat me as soon as she receives the money. I was like hold it! I don't want something that came from your internet shenanigans. I asked if she do strip teasing on cam just so that she can get the money she wants and she just laughed at me for being so naive. So now I'm naive.

----------------------------------------------------
And then I came across this ad in Craigslist:

In need of your support financially.... Any Generous souls outtheir?
Reply to:comm-xv6pa-1190903251@craigslist.org

Date: 2009-05-27, 10:42PM PHT

School is just around the corner.... one of my anxieties is with budget diffuculty close minimal.... despite of budget cuts of none essentials and sacrifices... still couldn't be able to stretch it to the end of the 1st semester.... Allowance is ok but not for the tuition... so I'm looking for a good semaritans who can even just share for once of their blessings partially to the tuition or to my allowance that is 50%-50%. its only now is most difficult since the world financial crisis in late 2008. Those interested... get in touch and your intention in regards to supporting me once for this school year 2009-2010. after that i'll be ok. Leave name. and little of introduction about yourself. thanks.

Information: Allowance per month = $ 25 x 10 months = $ 250 Tuition per semester = $ 266 x 2 semesters (Semester is equivalent to 5 Months (10 months in a School year) = $ 532

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1190903251

----------------------------------------------------

People and all the things they do to get the things they want! Desperate much? Hmmm.. Watch your back hun, karma is a bitch!

ps. i was supposed to post a screen shot of the page but for some effing reason the picture looks so cute one can't make out what's in it. i suck in layouting or whatever you call it.

pps. the only reason i came across this craigslist site is because i heard my other co-worker snickering and he was checking out this page and he introduced me to it.

ppps. the reason why im blogging right now is because im so sleepy and i dont even know what im talking about here. so shoot me.

i want to know what love is.

2009-05-30T18:05:00.000-07:00

White Horse - Taylor Swift Music Code

"Why is it that the world seems to be so empty even if only one person is missing?"

i woke up and thanked god its just a dream

2009-05-24T08:59:00.000-07:00

I just had the strangest dream while having my siesta. I dreamt that I was a kid again and I was holding hundreds of balloons. The balloons have long strings on them. It was a windy day and I was outside my lola's house. While I was holding tight on the strings the wind blows really hard that at one point my feet left the ground for a minute until I regained my composure and firmly braced myself to the ground.

While I was busy looking after all the balloons (which until now I cannot figure out how my dream started and why I was holding a lot of balloons) there were children running around tugging on their kites and making them dance in the wind. Suddenly one kite got entangled with my balloons that a couple of them flew away after the strings snapped.

I was on the verge of crying when I heard my lola called me. She wanted me to let go of all the things in my hands and to come inside at once since there will be a storm coming. Instead of letting go, I yanked on the strings and the kid started crying as his kite got intertwined with my balloons and he let go of the cord.

I never let go of the colorful balloons. I was transfixed on the red, blue and green colors. Instead, I took all of them inside my lola's house that now the house is crammed with balloons and there's no more room for us to move around. Lola threatened that if I wont release the balloons outside she will start popping each one of them with her needles.

Teary eyed, I took them outside and before I could open my hands to let go, a strong gust of wind blew the balloons away. Because I was holding on to the strings real tight I ascended rapidly. I cried out for help but my lola was inside the house that she didn't hear me. I then closed my eyes because I have fear of heights and that's when I woke up and realized that everything was just a dream. It was just one of those weird dreams I've been having recently which wakes me drenched in cold sweat.

sa globe.. abot mo ang mundo!

2009-05-23T04:50:00.000-07:00

She was sitting next to me complaining how her life sucks and how everyone only sees her mistakes and not appreciate the effort she gives to make them see the real her. Why on earth am I even listening to her when to begin with we really don't click?! Then again, I always make it a point to be all ears to people who needs someone as their audience as they rant along with how their life sucks. Not only will they entertain me with their silliness, I also get to appreciate my life and see that at least I'm not as miserable as they are. So I just sat there and braced myself for her blahs.

Then her litany of complaints came pouring in and before my ass could burn a hole on my chair I excused myself to grab something to drink. Her issues made my throat pretty parch as the Sahara. She has a lot of baggage in life and I've got no plans of taking some of it for her but if having someone listen to her would help, again... I'm all ears.

So her recital of discontent continued before I could sit down again and from afar I could see her partner officer looking at me questioningly as to what's wrong with her. I just gave her a wink and she understood that I got her matey in control.

But when she segued to her love life issue I sort of lost control of everything. Not another one please!

Good thing someone called me out for assistance. So I got the chance to stand again and leave her. Then I heard my phone beep inside my pocket. I snatched it out and read the message.

from: 2977
may sweet bf or gf waiting 4 u! dial *033021 for virtual bf or *0330022 for virtual gf now! save d no. and call daily! P5/call.

Wow! Globe did it again! They always come up with brilliant ideas, yes?! I forwarded the message to her and within minutes she started laughing.

the night i felt so old but gorgeous!

2009-05-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

I kept on telling myself that I have to stop going out every weekend on a binge. The last time I went out with my three friends, we ended up finishing a bottle of tequila and bottles of beer. For some strange reason tequila now makes me go bonkers. That night was something completely strange to me as I never felt drunk but I woke up in bed and feeling nauseous not knowing how I got home.

The following day someone texted me saying "I wish I was part of the guys you snogged last night."

I was like what are you talking about?? So I immediately texted the people I was with and yeah, they confirmed it. I went totally nuts and I started kissing random guys. The sad part was they never stopped me. I asked why and one of them said "I don't think it would be a good idea to grab you if you were lip locked with someone." Yeah right! Thank you so much for looking after me. I am moved to tears! Kidding, but really I cannot, until now, remember what happened after we emptied the last bottle of beer.

------------------------------------------
Last night my co-workers were asking me to go out with them for the first time as they think I don't have a life and I don't know how to unwind. I told them I won't be able to make it but MiKe called me saying he will pick me up and he is on his way. Not to let him down again after what happened earlier, I took a quick shower and by the time he called me up again, I was ready.

We rendezvoused at McDonalds and unexpectedly there were 14 of them waiting for us. They asked where we can drink and dance at the same time. Dance! I could have told them to go to Numero Doce but I don't want them to get scandalized as they are all straight. And whoever invited the bitch from hell made the right decision. Since it will be her night that night and I'm starting to like her. I think she's just a total Blondie... if you get my drift.

Anyhow we went to a bar and everyone was having fun except for me. For some reason I felt so old and I'm the only one not enjoying the loud music. Most of them are already in their late twenties and early thirties and I am like the youngest in the group and yet they party like twenty year olds. I just sat there in the corner while they urged me to dance with them. The bitch started to get drunk and luckily I was able to content myself with nursing on a bottle of vodka cruiser so I can look after my flock. Great! Now I'm also their chaperon for the night.

She started dancing and gyrating with a group of American guys and one of the girls asked me if I can pull the bitch out of their circle as she fears she might become the next Suzette "Nicole" Nicolas who got raped by Daniel Smith. So I grabbed her and had her seated next to me. She sat there for a few minutes and the next thing I know she was up again dancing with another group of guys.

Minutes later she came up to me saying "What the fuck! Those guys are checking you out." She pointed to one of them and said, "he's asking for your number." I told her to just sit down as she looked like a total wreck. I'm just too old for that crap!

Last night was the night I felt so old but gorgeous as one of those guys followed me to the john and asked for my number. I told him I'm taken but since he kept on saying it's just my number that he needs, I gave out someone else's number. Ha!

goodbye

2009-05-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

MiKe: Just tell me. Please stop prolonging my agony. Please.

Me: Seriously, are you suffering right now?

MiKe: I may look like I'm just fine but yes, I don't feel good inside.

That was the conversation I had with him earlier and I just cannot keep on staring at those pleading eyes that I have to look away and just pretend to laugh at the matter. How could I after what had happened and knowing that he knows that I know what the answer is. It was hard. I don't have the heart to break the news to him and I just keep on pretending that I'm this elusive lynx dodging every question that he's asking and segueing to another topic to keep him off track.

On the darker side of things though, he has to know. Though it will break him, it will at the same time emancipate him from all those worries and those thoughts lulling him to sleep. It hurts me and you might not know that as, I keep on this poker face but damn, I hate goodbyes.

just getting it off my chest..

2009-05-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

You going out like a predator in the night to satisfy and quench the heat in between your legs doesn’t help because at the end of the day you still have him to go home to.

Funny that you two are still together. Sharing the same room, sleeping on the same bed and soemtiems even eating on the same plate. What’s this? A playhouse? A game where you get to to play Barbie and he as Ken?

You always say you no longer love him and yet your actions are saying otherwise. You defended yourself saying he’s no longer your lover but someone who needs your help right now. So you took the role of big brother. But who the fuck are we kidding here? Big brothers don’t suck their little bro.

You sometimes go ballistic every time we see someone at the bar who used to woo your guy. You always say you’re better than any of those guys and so you have your boytoy now. Your breathing and walking trophy. Woohoo!! Congratulations! I’m teary eyed and I’m so happy I puked a bit in my mouth.

One thing though, why is it that when you’re completely sober you always talk about leaving him and up to now, after bottles of beer and nights of bingeing, you still go home and sleep with him? What’s the pretending for? You telling us that you no longer love him and me getting to read all your text messages to him with all the “I love yous” in the world doesn’t make sense.

I don’t see the point of you denying your feelings just so that you can turn the tables and make him look like he’s so into you and not the other way around. If you can give me one valid reason why there is a need for you to assert falsely that you’re sharing the same roof with this guy (that you say you no longer have feelings for) but your spending your savings on, then I’d shut up and stop whining here.

I’m just tired of all the drama and you hovering with all those rantings about falling out of love is suffocating me. And us telling you to put it to rest or telling you to leave him tomorrow is no use – because you just wont listen. I’m not sure why I’m putting this into writing and I’m typing in full speed but I guess I’m just getting this out of my chest as I don’t really see the point of denial. You love him (and I don’t know bout him) but if I were you just enjoy the feeling. It’s not everyday that we’re in love. To be in love is just, I don’t know.. something that doesn’t happen to me every day and I’m speaking for myself here.

You are my friend, so hun please stop feeding us bull crap. If you can’t walk the talk then shut your trap and let’s just get drunk and party. I really don’t want to put my finger in and start fussing about all this so please…

Love is overrated? Alright, so it is. Hush.. hush.. Now let’s just eat, get drunk and be merry for tomorrow we’ll be back to work again and I don’t want to intoxicate myself with everyone’s drama.

hiatus

2009-05-09T05:19:00.000-07:00

haven't been putting into writing my thoughts and rantings lately. kind of busy and work is getting pretty taxing now. in the meantime im leaving you with this song readers.. enjoy!

eyespy is on a blogging hiatus...

elevator ride

2009-04-30T02:24:00.000-07:00

Ding! The elevator door opened and I stopped on my track instead of getting in immediately. Inside was my prince charming. The apple of my eye. My eternal sunshine looking imperial in red polo.

No one was inside but him and instead of keeping my cool, I stood in one of the corners of the elevator without bothering to press the button for my floor since he was standing on that side.

He looked at me and asked, "Fourth floor?" I got zapped back to earth and answered: "Fifth floor!" while making a dash for the button. Like the mighty knight in shining armor, he pressed the button before I was able to get my finger at it.

I coyly said thanks and he just gave me a smile. My heart almost leapt out of my mouth!

Gawd! He must be thinking I'm this invalid who got this dreamy look painted all over my face. Nevertheless his smile took my tiredness away and when he got off the lift, I was left alone enjoying the scent of his polo sport.

Yum! Yum! Yum! Deliciouso!

Then the door opened and I was in paradise --- rather, I was already at the 5th floor lobby.

I was just wondering how come I never got to a point where I thought of sordid images of me and him getting sweaty in the elevator. That would be kinky! Heck, I never looked at him salaciously to say the least. I just enjoy looking and admiring him that it never got to something sexual.

Hmmm.. This actually crossed my mind after his spell wore off. Now you be the shrink!

i'm a good kisser!

2009-04-30T02:21:00.000-07:00

The officers got reshuffled this week and I got assigned to another team. Earlier today while having a meeting with the managers and the clients, one of the team leaders gave their feedback on how each wave is going with the training and all.

One of them spoke up and said, "How come those guys are so attached to you and they even long to have you back?"

The spotlight was on me and I was dumbfounded for awhile. Then she added while laughing, "They always compare me to you and they openly say it on my face. I'm nice. I don't bite. What's their problem? It seems like they don't want me."

I wasn't able to answer her since the other team lead replied, "Because he kicks hard like a stallion (read: redhorse) but he kisses more than he kicks and he's a good kisser. I got to sit on one of his coaching session and he does it smoothly."

Now that made my day!

Every time I get to visit those guys, they always ask me when I'm coming back and if I will still be part of their team. Awwww.. schucckkkksss. That was sweet of them to ask. I dunno, it's just heartwarming to feel so welcome.

There's this one guy who's a bit naughty and unruly in class who told me that "we" (him, an elderly guy, this funny girl and I) are already the notorious "team bulldog" in the account. We are the brainy bunch and we should lead the team. I don't know where that came from and I absolutely have no idea that I'm now notorious but it's cool to know that I have a new clique aside from the power rangers. Apparently, these guys are my eyes in that room since they never fail to update me on what's happening inside.

Funny how they always say they miss me even if we each other during lunch breaks and they flood my mailbox almost in a day to day basis.

I guess I'm doing the right thing this time? That or I'm just naturally born a good kisser.

the imp strikes again

2009-04-25T05:58:00.000-07:00

There was a major power interruption early today and since I wasn’t able to sleep, I went to the nearest mall here and decided to do another window shopping with a friend (more of trying to get the best out of the mall’s air conditioning system since the world is effing hot today). So we decided to just meet up there but I wasn’t aware that he is with his other friends.

He introduced me to his officemates and we talked for a bit before I excused myself and snatched my friend from them. He was bidding goodbye to them and I slowly walked away since he will just catch up.

He caught up with me and said his friend wants to have my number if I don’t mind.

I looked at him in disbelief saying I’m too old for that crappy line and that I don’t think his friend is the smart-y kind of guy which made him so out of my league. He hit me in the arm saying I’m being bitchy again and that its time for me to come out of my shell. He added:

“It’s not as if you need someone whispering in your ear Einstein’s EMC2 or the penal code while he is fucking your brains out.”

Now isn’t he the bestest best friend there is? Blah!

my lola's at work with me

2009-04-24T14:51:00.000-07:00

Kiss-Kick-Kiss. That's how we normally give feedback.

I never thought that coaching people could be so difficult. Imagine giving feedback to someone who is almost twice your age, who just cannot help but be defensive every time you strike a point and who segues to personal issues. Exhausting!

Sometimes I ask myself why I ever accepted the position when to begin with I was really hesitant to sign the papers because of the nature of the business.

The funny thing is, despite the fact that I was almost on the brink of strangling the person in front of me she was able to somehow tug a string in my heart. The reason being she reminds me of my dear lola. Gawd! I miss my lola. Then again, my lola is never the type who wallows on trivial things but instead do things her way and the rest she includes on her daily rosary.

The problem with this lady is she always have alibis and she puts the blame on others instead of owning up her crap. Though I understand where she is coming from, its just draining to hear her rantings about the people around her to the point that she even tells me to be very cautious with the others as they are just using me.

Although the issue was just an iota of misunderstanding between themselves, she tends to magnify things that instead of getting your sympathy you would likely look at her queerly. She treats me like a kid who is so gullible and I just don't know what to do with her that out of irritation, I had to cut the discussion short since we are straying really really far from where we started. Of course, to seal the discussion with a kiss I gave her one of my chupa-chups and like the good girl I want her to be she smiled and walked away saying she'll do better next time.

I guess in time, I will learn how to put emotions in the backseat and start firing away point by point. SOS!

imp of a friend

2009-04-22T02:45:00.000-07:00

I received a text message around 2 am in the morning. It was from a friend. He said he badly needs to talk to me and he has a huge favor to ask. I replied saying I'm still at work but hopefully I will be out by 4 am if there will be no meeting afterwards. He will just wait and I can just text him where I would like to meet him up.

Luckily, our boss told us that meeting has been cancelled and we can go home early since it will be a long day tomorrow with the clients. I called him up saying I can meet him somewhere near Fuente Osmeña where we can talk. I went inside a fastfood chain and ordered some food since my stomach has been growling of hunger. I received another text message from him, he is on his way. Said he is taking a cab from his place so it won't take that long for him to get there.

I enjoyed my food while waiting. He arrived and I noticed that his hair was wet contrary to what he said that he jumped off his bed and rushed to Fuente without having to change his clothes. Hmmmm.. I pointed that out to him. He just smiled sheepishly and said that he decided to just take a quick shower to wake him up. I playfully smacked his head and told him that I know where he's from.

Honey, I know you'll get to read this but the next time you to lie to me, make sure that you don't have any incriminating evidence with you.

With him was a bottle of water with a huge sticker of this motel nearby. Stupid!

You horny imp! Had it been that I don't love you I wouldn't have rescued you. Now you owe me one and I think you should cook dinner for me this weekend.

this too shall pass

2009-04-16T02:37:00.000-07:00

I wanted to explore the other side of me. The darker spectrum of my id. I wanted to see if I can really transform myself into a manwhore like how the people around me sees me. I just want to push myself to the limit and see how far I could go.

So I kind of went active again on this dating-pimping-crusin'-however-and-whatever-you-want-to-call-it-site. I exchanged messages to several members and when I got home this morning one them called me up asking if I would like to meet him up. He asked if I can just sleep over at his place since he won't be going to work anyway. I accepted his offer and decided to take a shower first before going out of the house. I was already inside the bathroom, about to clean myself when I noticed that we don't have any water. The faucet and the pail beside it was literally bone dry, not even a drop of precious water.

Divine intervention? I would like to think so as I really don't want to go out of the house without taking a shower.

Then it dawned on me that the reason why I'm doing this is mainly because I feel cheated, betrayed and I'm still hurting for some reason not even clear to me. I guess I'm not really good at this and who am I kidding, ruining myself won't even out the score. I won't allow this pain to catapult me to self-destruction. I know my worth and not even that person or anyone else for that matter can put a price to it. Methinks, that I'm kind of good at flirting and I normally chicken out if I go beyond my comfort zone. It's just the chase that I enjoy.

So I texted him saying I won't make it and he got pissed off. He said he already made breakfast for two. Sweet really but that's already so overrated. I didn't reply, instead I deleted his number, sat in front of the tube and played with the new game I downloaded on my PSP. I'll just forget about the entire fiasco and yes, you don't have to remind me that I'm as fickle minded as your girlfriend.

Now that I'm bleeding openly, I feel a bit lighter. As what Kahlil Gibran said:

"When love beckons to you, follow him... Though the sword hidden among his
pinion may wound you... For even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning."

I've loved and lost but I'd gladly fall again anytime soon. I always say I somehow got jaded along the way but that's just my mouth blabbering. It's always nice to fall and bleed for love even if its for the unrequited kind. This pain may pierce my heart yet I still believe that this too shall pass.

PS. I'm really hoping that we'll be able to go to Bantayan this weekend. Toucan Green Ranger needs a fucking change of scenery. Message me if you want to tag along... :)

PPS. Glad that we have water now else I will be absent at work!

realizations

2009-04-14T02:42:00.000-07:00

Things I Realized On My Way Home This Morning:

1. Just because you've said your "I'm sorry" doesn't mean that you guys are already OK. A smile could mean more than your interpretation of an I-accept-your-apology-and-we're-good-to-go. It's also not nice to pretend you're fine when deep down you haven't really forgiven the other party. It would be best if you can just be true to yourself.

Forgive and forget is easy said than done.

2. People who talk a lot usually don't have that much idea. They just sit there and yak something about the topic you started but when you stop talking and give them the floor, they start groping for words and will look at you like a dog that hasn't been fed. They're just good at paraphrasing what you've just said without realizing how stupid they sound. Not impressive at all.

Less talk, less mistakes.

3. Other people only appreciate you if you bring something to the table. If you're the type that gets swallowed in the crowd, you're a nobody to them. You're too pedestrian, I should say. If you start whining and go against what they want, you're an insolent person. If you have something to serve but you're too assertive with your points of view, you're someone to watch out for. They always say lead by example and yet they want to put a leash on you and treat you like a puppy.

You can't please everyone. Sorry, I don't kiss ass. I bite!

4. "Just because you're not loved the way you want to be loved doesn't mean you are not loved at all."

I don't know where that came from and who said that but I'm pretty sure I just read that somewhere. That's the message I sent to a friend after she kept on complaining about her boyfriend early in the morning. That shut her up PLUS she told me "I always say the right things at the right time." Sweet! Not sure if she was really thankful for that or she was just being sarcastic but that made me feel smart even though I was about to collapse before I could even reach the bed.

5. Having someone tell you something and hearing that same person tell another version of it to another group of people while you're around is something I really find funny. Twisting you're words/stories just to sound interesting won't make you a star. Someone just might be laughing behind your back and you might end up as the laughing stock. The butt of prank. If that's your feeble way to make yourself sound cool then you're IQ just dropped a 100 points!

Walk the talk.

finding dory

2009-04-13T02:40:00.000-07:00

i dont know why people always have the impression that i am promiscuous. the very first person who told me that was this bitch of a friend who is so outspoken she'd already lashed out at you before she would even think of her words. we were having another drinking session then (this time -- just the two of us), when she told me she thinks i am a slut and that she fears i might contract some serious disease (God forbid!) if i'll continue with this lifestyle.

then one time, another friend who was under the influence of alcohol once asked some people we hardly know (but were with us that night), if they think im promiscuous. to my surprise they openly answered that yes, they think im one of those guys. i cannot believe they were assessing me openly. embarrassed and offended, i excused myself and called it a night.

then the same friend called me promiscuous again, on my face last sunday and added that im a cockteaser. i dont have any idea where that came from and i didnt see it coming but i retorted that the reason why he told me that was because i turned him down two years ago. that made him segue to another topic. it was a bit awkward really since there were just the two of us nursing on a set of beer while waiting for some friends to arrive.

early this year, while doing my new year's resolution, i came up with the idea that instead of having a list of promises i'd easily break, i'll have one NYR instead: never say never. thats for a change!

i am the type who's very loyal and i'd say im a stick to one if im in love. and when i give you my i love you that would mean that its you and only you for me. not that i dont have any lapses when it comes to relationships but pretty much i try to openly talk with it with my partner and i say sorry if there is a need to. i flirt but i dont touch. i guess being the voyeur that i am, in a way helps since i dont really engage in hanky pankies. i prefer to watch two guys doing it instead of getting involved in the scene (not that there are a lot of people who are ok with that set-up so there's not much to watch except for maybe, porn on dvds). i always choose to be the backdrop. that, or im the audience.

i guess its time for me to go exploring the darker side of me.

love would have to take the backseat and lust can comfortably sit in front as i cruise around town checking out the friendly neighborhood. everything is just a phase and i think i would like to try exploring my limits. and no, you dont get to lecture me on what to do and keep your judgments to yourselves. lets just say this is my way of finding myself and where i stand in the picture.

good bye

2009-04-12T00:30:00.000-07:00

i usually go online and chat every time something is bothering me. earlier today, my friend and i went to ayala to watch T2. the movie wasn't that great but i just love mika dela cruz, she's just a sweetheart with those cute eyes. there was a line there said by one of the enkantadas wherein the gist goes like: "why are you so proud of your heart and soul when all you get from it is pain and suffering?"

i've been hurting the past couple of days but i dont want to talk about it with friends. the pain climaxed as i knew the truth from the very person causing the pain. though i got to know it vicariously, it was just tantamount to having that person tell me its over.

so i just sat in front of the computer trying to digest everything. before i could even go maricel soriano with all the sobbing and the bawling, someone popped up to say hi. that distracted me for awhile and i inadvertently wiped my misty eyes with the back of my hand. i just got saved from another round of drama.

it's andrew, a friend who is now in dubai. its kind of normal for him to check on me every now and then and to give me his litany of questions which he will end with asking about my sex and love life. i told him i scored zero on both checklists and it even went to negative now. being the naughty and silly oaf that he is, he gave me his golden advice for the day.

andrew: if only i don't have to leave, i would have married you right now and we'll already have a dozen babies.
me: gago ka talaga!
andrew: no seriously, you're a good guy medyo sumpingin nga lang ng topak at mataray pero mabait ka naman.
me: and that's supposed to make me feel ok? ha!
andrew: cheer up uy! tatanda ka nyan. be happy na lang na single tayo. atleast pwede tayo mgloko ng di naguiguilty. hehe.. hanap na lang kita ng booking jan gusto mo?
me: ulol! wag na. i can handle the job! hahaha..

so before mr sun was up, basa na ang tigang na lupa...

they say people who still see each other after they've thrown in the towel still has some unsettled issues. not this time. it was just lust on an easter sunday. he understood. no i love yous and sweet nothings. we just let ourselves get consumed by the raging heat inside and as we extinguished the last ember of lust with a final kiss, i realized i'm not at all feeling any guilt for visiting someone from my past.

no more pain and heartaches for now, i dont want to turn into a masochist in the name of whatever you want to call it -- love.
-----------------------------------------------------

you are right, too much testosterone just wont work out. someone is bound to screw up along the way. i'm just glad it wasn't me.

on second thought, there was really no commitment to begin with so i guess we really don't have any liabilities at all. so you can now take back your empty and meaningless i love yous. go take it somewhere else. its better that things end this way. adios!

missing bantayan

2009-04-11T07:42:00.000-07:00

i am having a hard time sleeping again today mainly because i wasnt able to go to bantayan when someone already cordially invited me. everything has been set except for my things and when i get there, what i need to do is just to party, party and party some more. it was already four in the morning when he called me and gave me the itinerary and the location where we will be staying.

what i need to do is just to go straight home, pack my things and run to north terminal to take a bus to bantayan. however, upon knowing that there will be a lot of PLUs who will be sharing the room with us i backed out the last minute. and now he is mad and he wont talk to me after i turned down his invitation for the umpteenth time.

i miss bantayan. i miss the beach. the people. the food!

however, i had a bad experience going out with PLUs i hardly know and i dont want that to happen again specially now that i know that i can go nutters when i down a keg of vodka or a barrel of tequila washed with a case of redhorse. i already anticipated that there will be a lot of drinking since sunday will be the town fiesta and everyone will be partying like crazy then.

im so sorry my love but maybe some other day. i know that i will be able to feel your cool breeze caressing my face real soon and i can run and roll over like a crazy dog over your fine sand but right now, im taking a pass. i made a promise to myself and even your beauty wont tramp over that promise.

for some freaking reason, i am just so in love with the place. *sigh* will someone go with me to bantayan next week?

access

2009-04-08T12:35:00.001-07:00

i hate it that we dont have internet access at the training room. im not able to login to the site and i cant read my friends' blah. so every time we have our 30 minute breaks i have to run to the 5th floor and by the time i get there im too woozy with the elevator ride that if there's something i would like to write, i already lost all the thoughts at the lobby.

and so i try to retrospect and start grappling with the thoughts and since im also under time constraints, i always end up writing something incoherent and even incomprehensible. not that my writing makes sense but whatever.

since we will be having out training for two grueling months i'll be posting stuff that are worst than a grade school's essays. (again, thats under the assumption that i can write something worth the read).

see? i dont even know what im blabbering about and i was late awhile ago when i got back from our first break. *sigh* gotta run.. again!

a conversation

2009-04-08T07:53:00.000-07:00

i had the funniest conversation tonight with one of the new agents here. i walked with her to the loo and before we parted ways to enter the little boy's room and the little girl's room, she told me that she has something to tell me. i asked what's it about but she just smiled sheepishly saying its something personal and its about me. i told her that im cool about that and if she has something to tell me, im all ears.

she didnt spill not until she had her leak.i waited for her outside the room and when she went out, i went for the kill. i grabbed her neck and squeezed the issue out of her (well not really). she said she is the straight forward type of girl and if there is something she really needs to ask, she will ask it right away otherwise she wont be able to put it to rest. so i gave her the green sign and our conversation went like this:

agent: sir, i have a question.
me: shoot!
agent: do you have a girl?
me: (startled with the question) whats with the question?
agent: i mean, you're not bad looking and i find you attractive. so do you have a girlfriend?
me: (getting a bit uncomfortable) uhhh.. no.
agent: well im single.
me: (getting really uncomfortable) well... uhhhmm.. im sorry but im not really the relationship type.
agent: why not?
me: because i like guys.
agent: oh.
me: yeah.
agent: ohhh..
me: (smiling) yeah.. so why dont you just divert your attention to Neil instead?
agent: well i dont find him cute.
me: (laughing)
agent: you just broke my heart!

thats one reason why as much as possible i really dont want to pretend im someone im not cause i dont want to be on a hot seat. now we are not talking but i always catch her looking at my direction and i just smile. too bad im sitting in front of her at the training room.

knight in shining armor

2009-04-07T07:32:00.000-07:00

while i felt dejected, completely abandoned and forsaken (whatever you want to call it) yesterday, i felt like a "school-girl-true-blue-girl-who-wants-to-ask-can-you-come-out-and-play" tonight. i just saw the one person who never failed to make me smile every time i conjure a mental picture of him. and yeah i know, i sound so pathetic.. but what do u care?

i saw him while i was on my way to the lift. the door opened and ding! out came my-knight-in shining-armor-in-my-dreams and i was instantly warped to cloud 9.. he smells so nice and i goofily smiled inside as i felt my cheeks go red. i dont really need to have him for myself but someone who could atleast make me feel like this will be greatly appreciated.

i just laugh every time my friend asks me where his match is but seriously im wondering of the same thing today. i just want to feel needed, is it that too much to ask? *sigh*

ignored

2009-04-06T07:28:00.000-07:00

i hate it when im being ignored. i am an attention whore (in my own way) and atleast if you dont have the time to even say "hi!" to me, just give me a friggin' clue so that i can duck the bullet before it hits me between the eyes. this is so not nice... i am hurting.

blah!

thank you!

2009-04-04T05:40:00.000-07:00

"recognition is greatly appreciated by everyone, not just people in business and industry. even a little bit of recognition can go an incredibly long way in a persons life. everyone is incredibly hungry for appreciation and recognition. as you interact with people, walk slowly through the crowd... it will make you a person of significant influence in their lives."

~becoming a person of
influence by J. Maxwell and J. Dornan~

before i left my previous office i get to receive a total of about 30 small notes. these notes are basically intended to somehow cheer up someone or just simply to tell that person how he or she touched your life or just to write anything about that person.

i was really touched and im overwhelmed by the notes given to me. although not everyone took the time to write something, majority of the very small population in our office made my day before i left my second home. i cant believe that in my own way i was able to touch some lives in the account and im greatly humbled by the appreciation you showed guys!

now i know im good at what im doing (haha!!) but seriously thank you so much for the recognition and all. the thought of you guys recognizing me beyond what is written on the ranking list means so much more to me. and to you who proposed to me on that same day, just drop me a line and we'll talk about it. (haha!) you should have told me that whilst i was still there and i could have planted a wet kiss on your forehead the way my grandma does it. teehee..

now whose day wont brighten up upon receiving these notes:

"i secretly praise you in so many ways/aspects. do great on your new journey. it may be unusual but you can always text me if you need company... you are a great person!"

"you always have a special space in my heart, for how could i forget the number of times you've made my gloomy days better and i always smile because i have you... because you were never judgmental and accepted me for who i am."

people closest to me know that i dont cry openly but i was on the verge of tears (thank heavens my tear ducts never betrayed me) when i sat there reading a note from someone who i know has been through a lot last year but was able to make it just fine.

"thank you so much for your help when i needed it the most. i know that i cant repay you with what youve given me but God will have someone else do it for me and he will do it when you will need help the most."

so i just shot her an email and told her that what i did was nothing and hearing her thank yous numerous times is enough. i really dont want to get mushy mushy with the hugging and all cause i know if i were to do that the flood gates will open and we will all be drowning in tears.

i guess those small notes are proof that despite the hard exterior, im still a soul capable of touching other people's lives. other people may see me otherwise but hey i know you will miss me in the long run.. haha. thank you. and to my closest buddies, im still waiting for your notes and this time i wont accept it without gifts.. :)

bantayan

2009-04-04T05:31:00.000-07:00

missin you a lot already.

envelop me in your loving breath and show me paradise.

looking forward to that day that i will feel the warmth of your embrace, again.

bitch from hell

2009-04-04T05:24:00.000-07:00

its my second day of training with my new job and i cant believe i need to work with someone who is just so effing annoying. i never expected someone "professional" can be so crude, rude and at the same a warfreak from vietnam circa whatever. our trainer and i had an understanding that we are dealing with the reincarnated version of sybil. the worst part is she changes her personality faster than a chameleon could blend in to its environment.

just this morning, the three of us: me, our trainer and the ever gorgeous sybil had a conversation about some heart problems Mars (trainer) has. he was chatting about his medication and how often he has to take the meds to keep him on his feet. the ever omnipotent sybil interrupted the conversation saying she would like to take a look at those bottles of pills. she started opening the pedestal of Mars to which he objected saying he doesnt want to show her anything. she held on to the drawers which pissed off Mars until he told her that the moment she will really get into his nerves he will shred her into pieces using the paper shredder next to his cube. that shut her up and she ended up smiling sheepishly. gawd i hate her!

after the not so intellectual banter between the two of them she saw on his pc a picture of him standing next to anne curtis. she asked where the picture was taken and since she just cannot shut her trap she blurted out that he looked so ugly next to anne. my jaw almost dropped to the floor with that remark. i cannot imagine the nerve of this bitch to tell that on the face of our supervisor so to speak. he got offended but instead of going after her neck, he just gave her this wounded look while saying, "you are so rude!" that never bothered her and instead of apologizing she just laughed instead.

before he dismissed us, we went down to grab some food at mcdonalds. she saw one of her previous colleague walking towards our direction but when she called out, the guy opted to ignore her which pissed her off. she got so scandalous and started shouting at him. saying she will plant a flying kick on his face for being such a snob. i was completely flabbergasted with how professional she deals with other people. our trainer was snickering though and after she piped down, he told her that she is a war freak straight from vietnam and that he is wondering how she got the position given the attitude that she has.

he then asked if we have some questions that he could probably address but i said i have none in mind. she commented on that saying my brain is not working. the nerve of this heathen from hell! i got hold of myself and i just gave her my taray eyebrow. that never failed to do the trick. the next time she will cross my way im going to make sure that she will be howling in pain as i will be kicking her in the groin.

we were still chatting downstairs when she suddenly spaced out and said she is having some memory problems lately. she said she tends to forget things that just happened minutes before. she asked what we were talking about and our trainer and i were just looking at each until i told her that she is scaring me. before we said our adieu, he gave me a very inspiring talk and he closed it with the following words: "you will be working be working hand in hand wih her so good luck with your job!"

thank you so much and im really looking forward to the day that i will finally jump on her and start squeezing the life out of her beefy neck.

prostitution

2009-03-29T23:33:00.000-07:00

"sex has come to be used as some kind of drug in order to escape reality, to forget about problems, to relax. and like all drugs, this is a harmful and destructive practice. sex cannot be practiced at any time. we all have a clock inside us and in order to make love, the hands on both clocks have to be pointing to the same hour at the same time."

~eleven minutes by Paolo Coelho~

i always tease my mokiks saying someday i will become a prostitute. the thought of getting paid after having sex is just so appealing to me sometimes. but darn, he discourages me saying he wont pay for sex. hes a cheapskate really and he wont even pay me with french fries and coke float for a night with me. and i thought i still have a bit of market value left. im just too presumptuous sometimes... boohoo!

oh well guess i wont make a good pokpok either as im sexually unresponsive most of the time. probably my body clock is running low of battery? now im considering the idea of becoming a pimp daddy instead. i just need to polish my sales talks. it may not be that easy but i guess this business is a bit lucrative still.

so if you need an agent, call me ok? Ü

change

2009-03-27T12:42:00.000-07:00

We're on the road

We move from place to place

And oftentimes when I'm about to call it home

We'd have to move along

Life is a constant change...

you ever had that feeling that you're slowly losing everything you have? you try to tighten your grip and yet like the fine sands at the beach it starts trickling out of your palm the moment you have a handful of it. you panic. you try to catch the things that are falling and yet no matter how hard you try it's just no use.

you have to resign to the fact that everything changes. that the only thing constant is change. that change is inevitable! and yet, no matter how hard you try to pound those thoughts on your cranium its just not doing the trick. then you realize you need to wait, wait for the silt to sink and hit rock bottom so that the water will start clearing up. then you can wade your way out of the murky water.

but as you wait, various thoughts plague your peripheral consciousness and you start wrestling with those ideas. you get skeptical, you start weighing things and put to much time thinking that everyone starts looking at you queerly.

you should get hold of yourself and put anxiety on a leash. you have to brave the unknown to find that the beacon of light to cast away that darkness you fear the most. when you find that shining lighthouse, you'll get to see that the things that you think you need are gone but the people who mattered are just there. you were groping in the dark and in your panic you let go of their hands but they stayed. they are still there because you simply matter to them.

so you go back to your normal self knowing that everything is fine now. that though things may have changed and people always go, there are still others who chose to stay. that change is not that bad after all.
PS I know the song is a bit cheesy but i'm just loving it right now.

marley and me

2009-03-26T01:58:00.000-07:00

while speedily traversing jones avenue this morning, the person behind the wheels cursed as a whimper of an animal in pain reverberated our ears. out of nowhere a dog zoomed across the street and got hit by this maniacal driver who i presumed, was high on drugs as early as 5 am. instead of making a fuss out of it or playing dead in the middle of the street, the dog just ran the entire width of the road, limping on its hind leg and eventually disappeared at the back of a building.

not feeling a bit sorry for the dog, mister-i-have-bloodshot-eyes-and-im-high-on-drugs damned the dog saying, "piste kang iroa ka! wa ka namatay!" i momentarily laughed at that remark remembering that thats how an office mate curses every time he gets pissed off at work.

then a pang of remorse hit me like a hammer striking an anvil. i sat inside the jeepney transfixed, thinking: "Hey that dog is ME!

i am that dog! not because im covered with hair and i have its poor puppy eyes and four legs (oh! not the four legs!) but rather im a survivor!

lifes a bit harsh with all the bad news and all. love lifes zero and heck my sex life is going down the drain real fast. faster than i can utter the words: wait a minute! im still here. still standing and much stronger than yesterday. smiling like everything is just fine (and i know everything will be fine -- eventually!) and laughing my ass out louder than the deranged Sisa could.

im alive and im loving every minute of it!

im still here with feet firmly rooted on the ground, still upright and enduring the crushing of the hammer and the anvil. im still here and i will be here til i get to the end of the road.

of dating and mean friends

2009-03-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

my life is not something i wish to be cannibalized by the people around me, not even friends are welcome to pry into things i consider private. anything sexual and anything that has to do with my heart are off limits to people. its for me, myself and i to enjoy. other than that you can stick your nose into for all i care and we can go along messing each others business to a certain degree.

now i understand that most of my friends are concerned that i still dont have a steady partner til now. though i go out with a couple of people before, it never lasted for longer than a month or two and i never introduce them to my friends. not that im not proud with the people i date but rather because my friends are too engrossed with the hullaballo that one should have a boyfriend cutout from the magazine. they put too much emphasis on looks and think that dating someone who's not that hot or good looking is a social suicide.

i hate to rub it on their noses but they themselves are not that hot or good looking and they are not intellectually entertaining either. haha! i know we are friends but they're always mean towards other people that it gets irritating sometimes. there was one time when we were off work and we decided to hang out at mcdonalds downstairs for a quick chow and to use the free wifi, i saw my crush (the usual chinky eyed boy next door type) and i had one of my friend check him out. instead of just looking at the guy he scrutinized him and he (the guy) was just about a meter away from us. he wasnt satisfied with the staring that he even made some snide remarks about him not minding the fact that the person could have heard him. i was on the brink of going diva on him but i stopped, thinking that that's just the way he is. i would have pointed out the fact that he is already leaning towards obesity etc.. etc.. etc.

i mean, its ok if im seen hanging around with the not so cool people. for starters, beauty is a relative word. second of all, i get to choose who i want to be seen with and if everything will go completely wrong, it wont be you who's going to mope around and cry cry cry. and lastly, you may feel like youre the most gorgeous person there is but thats just that that... you feeling everything youre really not! now looks are of course given consideration but after first meetings i'd likely lose interest with how you look. i tend to gravitate towards people who can talk and at the same time carry themselves in public. guys who are smart are just damn sexy for me!

i was under the impression that i will be kissing dating goodbye real soon but nahh.. im renewing my membership to the dating club. call me?

you had a bad day... you sing a sad song just to turn you around

2009-03-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

for some reason i feel more comfortable talking about the issues of my life with people online, mostly to strangers. i dont know if we have some commonalities on that but i just feel that its better to talk to someone whom you dont know but can give you an objective view on the issue. other than that, its good that after the chitchat you can just say goodbye and forget about everything without fearing that someone might go gossipy on you. now i have a lot of things in mind lately and just this morning after being out cold for 2 short hours i suddenly woke up only to find out im no longer able to go back to sleep. sleeping for someone like me who usually dozes off for more than 10 hours a day has been pretty elusive lately. so instead of just lying in bed i decided to go online instead and talk to random people.

so i logged on to my YM account and browsed through the list of local rooms. i joined in and started talking to several people. my attention was leaning more on this middle aged guy who was kind enough to offer his two cents regarding my drama in life. he talked about religion and quoted some verses for me and i really appreciated that. he is smart and most of us would agree that whats between your ears is way sexier than whats between your legs. a couple of minutes of tapping the keyboard, he asked if i have a picture or a webcam and if i would like to see him on cam. i directed him to my friendster account which was by the way, set to private.

in turn, he invited me to view him. i accepted the invitation and lo and behold... instead of seeing a shrink with uber huge specs and tousled hair or a living saint with this radiating halo -- he displayed his dong for the world to see. yes, his junior was happily waving at the camera. what the fuck was he thinking? i cannot believe that someone so sensible was at the same time a pervert who was stroking his penor while advising me. mortifying!

i know life is what we make it and we attract what we think and all that but really.. im having a not so good day today. im feverish but im still at work and my stomach is growling in pain. hyperacidity attack --- again. incidentally, its not just me who's suffering right now. the person sitting right next to me has been complaining about his tummy the entire shift. and he just asked me a question awhile ago:

seatmate: have you had your endoscopy already?
me: no! im scared.
seatmate: me too! id rather have a d*ck probing my gullet than... what's that thing they stick inside your stomach?
me: (falling off my seat)

hmmm... i think my seatmate and that man on cam would really get along just fine.

i want my mama! :(

dating

2009-03-22T14:14:00.000-07:00

a friend was off work and instead of staying at home and doing a marathon of his newly acquired dvds, he renewed his membership at Club Dating. so off he went to see this guy i referred to him from friendster. while i was busy working my ass off (read: browsing blogspot), he kept on texting me about his date. how he was enjoying the night, that his date was pleasant to the eyes and hilariously a butch who goes loco over local celebrities. as to how he acted when he saw this celeb i dont know, but i can only imagine my friend's eyebrow hitting the ceiling.

before he hit the sack and called it a night i already learned 5 things from him about dating:

1. friends tramp over date. friends always come before your date especially if you two are not really hitting on each other. a friend in distress is like the oldest excuse to bail out on your date.

2. "dating" is something intimate. its time for you two to get to know each other and to check if you two will click. if friends tag along or crash on your night and your date is ok with that then i guess you can qualify that as hanging out. as to what will be your demarcation line will be, i dont give a rats ass.

3. never set expectations. its one thing if you wish and visualize how your night will end. its another if you expect your date to be your knight in shining armor. its good to hope but its another thing if you expect. youd likely end up getting disappointed and that will really really really ruin your night.

4. possibilities are endless. if your date's friends crash on your night and somehow you and your date lost interests with each other, its best that youre always on guard. you never know whos within your radar checking you out.

5. never drink and drive with someone you hardly know. getting drunk with friends is fine. getting wasted and driving with a stranger is another matter. you might end up at a car park somewhere doing unimaginably kinky stuff at the backseat. or worst, get robbed?

so how about we go out on a date? lets just skip #5 because a) i dont know how to drive and b) im only horsing around with someone from my past.

so call me? Ü

the demise of the cuckoo duck

2009-03-20T19:36:00.000-07:00

there was once a very proud mallard. although she thinks highly of herself, everyone thinks shes just another wild duck. she goes about grazing along the pond, living in her loony world and believing that she has the most shiny and beautiful feathers. all the animals in the pond look at her queerly as they know that she might keel over, go bonkers and start having seizures every time she misses her dinner.

the mallard, we'll name her luna in this story, has this feeling that sometimes everyone stares at her as she visits the pond. luna has this nagging sensation that the animals around her sees her as a "cuckoo." but again, she thinks highly of herself and she believes shes the most learned of all the animals (she just finished her graduate studies in one of the most prestigious uni in animalandia) so she dismissed the thought that she is a "cuckoo" because she is a sultry mallard -- according to her.

then came winter, the animals packed their bags for a long hibernation while others travelled in groups to places warmer. (read: bantayan) since she is a pariah in the pond, she asked some migratory birds if she can tag along with them. eva, the leader of the flock gave her her nod in the condition that when she goes diva on them, the group will leave her behind.

they entered warm territories and from the looks of it, the hot birds are getting annoyed evey time luna opens her mouth to speak. she just blathers on and on about how good and smart she is. now dont ask me what they talked about but luna is just plain annoying.

for that, she got booted out of the group and was kind of lost not knowing where to go. again, thinking that shes a smart ass, she made the mistake of landing on a grassland. she wasnt aware that its hunting season and i guess her degree in whatever couldnt save her this time.

suddenly, she heard a loud gunshot. bang! she ducked for safety but she felt heavy on the sides. she got hit! she quickly ran for cover but too late, the hunting dogs picked up her scent. before she could flap her now clipped wings, three dogs ravaged and one can hear her bones breaking as the dogs dug their teeth on her body. she quacked for help but no one came to her rescue.

finally, two hands pulled her lifeless body out of the riotous dogs. between bites and pawing she lost a lot of her feathers and she looked worst than a chicken in the supermarket devoid of its plumage. the hunter turned her round and round and after seconds of scrutinizing luna, he tossed her back to the dogs because shes just not worth serving on the table. so the fiasco continued until poor luna got shredded into bits and pieces.

and thus the demise of the "cuckoo" duck.

now, since youre so proud of your degree, go figure that one out because i-am-oh-so-seeing-a-lot-of-red-right-now. and since i cant go lambaste you or smack your head with a baseball bat, i might as well kill you in my story. oh yeah, you need not tell me im demented, thats diagnosed eons ago. you be the shrink, bitch!

commuting

2009-03-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

i normally take jeepneys as my mode of transport on my way to work. i like it that i get to punish my lungs and breathe in the polluted air of the metro and at the same time to look at people as they get crammed inside the vehicle. i have this penchant of secretly staring at them while they have this far away look, thinking of god knows what. i take pleasure in trying to fathom and guess what each person is thinking. makes me feel like im this smart ass shrink who turns into an ugly dr. jekyll who would slice people's head to see whats inside it.

this evening was no exception. i spent a good 15 minutes inside the jeepney looking at this kid who was having tantrums and was bawling his eyes out while slapping his mom. the passengers were really bothered about the slapping and they tried to dissuade the child saying they will throw him out the running vehicle if he wont stop. the mother just shyly smiled, said her kid was just sleepy and hushed him. unfortunately the kid was a pain in the ass. an attention whore as most kids are. instead of stopping he cried all the more and i would have gladly smacked him in the head had she not stopped the jeepney and got off the vehicle. divine intervention.

couple of kilometers away from my destination, there were just four of us left inside the jeepney: a grade school girl, an old man, this middle aged guy and i. the guy was sitting near the door of the jeepney so he called out to me and handed over his fare. i looked at the money he passed and it was a shiny 5 peso coin. everyone knows that the minimum fair after the price roll back of gasoline is now at 6.50. he is short of a peso and fifty cents.

thats fine.

none of my business really.

i just passed along the fare to the girl in front of me who in turn stared at the 5 peso coin looking perplexed but nevertheless she handed the coin to the driver of the vehicle. the worst part of it was the driver returned some loose change thinking that what he got was a ten peso coin. the little girl handed over the coins to the guy and she gave him a questioning look. not bothered by the little girl at all, he pocketed the coins. before he went down the jeepney i gave him this look that says i-wish-your-dong-will-fall-off. i cant believe he has the heart to do that in front of the kid and just act nonchalantly as if nothing happened.

"sa mata ng bata ang isang pagkakamali ay nagiging tama kung ito'y ginagawa ng matatanda."

common decency is no longer common. its like a commodity badly needed by everyone now. *sigh*

loneliness knows me by name

2009-03-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

we're all lonely for something we dont know were lonely for. how else to explain the curious feeling that goes around feeling like missing somebody weve never even met?
-david foster wallace-

they say people can live for days without water, weeks or even months without food and can even withstand a long time of homeless but not loneliness. it has its way of eating you alive. only the brave can go against the greatest torture that is loneliness and remain standing in the end. all of us are lonely to a certain degree and we go out of our way to find the things that can make us a little less lonely.

we go shopping, we meet with friends, we see a lot of people and go to different places but when everything is done and over there's still this feeling at the pit of your being that you just cant ignore. its just there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for that instance to strike and poison your heart. when your guard is down it delivers the coup de grace and incapacitate your soul. before you know it, youre trapped in the darkness, trembling and not knowing what to do. loneliness has its way of sucking the life out of you.

just this morning, i came home to the news that a neighbor just passed away. he was this middle aged man you see everyday holding a bottle of coke in one hand and a pocket-sized tanduay on the other. no glass or a bucket of ice to be seen, he drinks straight from the bottles and "take it like a real man" as they jokingly say it. he just sits at the corner in one of the convenient stores singing old love songs.

he turned alcoholic when his wife packed her bags and left him without a word to elope with this guy she met at a dating site. said she got tired of her life as a poor housewife and so she disappeared without a trace. i wonder where his family is and why they left him in that condition. he got devastated after he lost the love of his life and his kid who was two years old then. he wasnt able to cope with the loss and succumb to alcohol to accompany him in his misery.

i once heard him sang "unchained melody" off key, you know, the usual way drunk people sing. you wouldnt believe that the loud baritone voice is coming from a small framed guy. i guess his body deteriorated as too much alchohol flooded his organs. he looked so serious then and if you know the sad story behind his drinking and singing, your heart would go out to him. today, he was found dead sitting on the same stool, at the same corner of the same sari-sari store which served as his little nook. its on that same place where he licked his wounded heart and sang his heart and soul out to his long lost lover that he never saw again til the day he died.

may you rest in peace manong...

how would you know you're watching a pinoy film?

2009-03-18T07:53:00.000-07:00

im not really fond of watching pinoy flicks lately but i find this email very funny...

1. Sasayaw ang loveteam sa likod ng puno ng buko kapag nasa beach ang eksena. Alternate na lalabas ang ulo nila from behind the puno.
2. Ang kontrabidang babae yayakap sa bidang lalaki, sabay taas ng kilay at ngingisi.
3. Ang pansit, nagdadala ng malas. Uuwi ang bida na may dalang pansit para sa kanyang nanay na si Anita Linda. Tatawagin ng bida ang mga bata para kumain at kukumustahin niya ang pag-aaral ng mga bata habang kumakain sila. Biglang may titigil na sasakyan sa harap ng bahay at pauulanan ng bala ang pamilya. Mamamatay si Anita Linda at sisigaw ang bida ng “Inaaayyyy!!!” at mangangakong ipaghihigante ito. Moral of the eksena: Ang pansit ay nakakamatay.
4. Kapag may magkaribal na babae, ‘yung mabait derecho ang buhok at may bangs. ‘Yung salbahe, laging kulot.
5. Sa Pinoy action movies, ang bida hindi nauubusan ng bala.
6. Sa Pinoy action movies, kapag tumakbo ang bida, sa lupa lahat ang tama ng bala ng kalaban.
7. Kapag may mob na pupunta sa bahay kubo ng manananggal, si Vangie Labalan ang laging lider.
8. Alam mong moment of truth na kapag sinabi ng bida ang title ng pelikula (sample: Isang Bala Ka Lang or Kapag Puno na Ang Salop).
9. Ang tawag ng kontrabida sa kanyang mga goons, “Mga bata.”
10. ‘Yung nakababatang kapatid ng bida habang naglalaro, mabibitiwan ang bola at mapupunta sa gitna ng kalsada. Pagkatapos, may darating na sasakyan at itutulak ng bida ang bata at ‘yung bida ang papagitna ng kalsada. Naka-cross ang arms ng bida who is covering his face. Sisigaw ang bata ng, “Kuyaaa!” Next scene: Nasa ospital sila. Simula na ng drama.
11. Kapag bakbakan, hindi nasasaktan ang bida pero umaaray siya kapag ginagamot na siya ng leading lady. Next scene: Nagla-love-making na sila.
12. Kapag sinabi ng kontabida sa bida ang masama niyang plano, sasabibin ng bida, “Hayop ka!”
13. Ang bidang babae, kapag katulong ang role siguradong iri-reveal ng amo na anak siya nito.
14. Ang nanay ng mayaman ay laging may pamaypay na pang-mayaman at ang nanay ng mahirap ay laging naka-duster.
15. Ang hideout ng kontrabida ay parating mansyon na may chicks na naka-hilira sa paligid ng pool.
16. Ang mga bida sa drama, kapag nakatanggap ng masamang balita laging may pinto sa likod nila para puede sila sumandal habang nag-i-slide dahan-dahan pababa, todo iyak at kung minsan with matching uhog.
17. Kapag hindi nahuli ng mga goons ang bida, sasabihin ng boss sa kanila, “Mga inutil!”
18. Laging nakakapulot ng baril na may bala ang bida kapag kinakailangan niya.
19. Laging mas maganda ang yaya ng bida kaysa sa kontrabidang anak ng amo niya.
20. Kapag ang ending ng movie ay song-and-dance number sa beach o sa resort, ang huling frame shows the cast na tumatalon, sabay freeze.

humming..

2009-03-17T14:35:00.000-07:00

...i know sometimes its gonna rain,

but baby can we make up now cause i can't sleep through the pain.

girl i don't wanna go to bed, mad at you

and i don't want you to go to bed mad at me ...

walk away

2009-03-13T12:33:00.000-07:00

they say words are powerful tools that could either break the soul or uplift the ego, crush one's self-esteem or boost the morale. effects may vary depending on how we say our lines and saying the right words is not even enough cause timing plays an integral part in the picture. so its good to strike a balance between timing and the right words to say.

we all know that rejection is always part of the game of flirting. irregardless of how subtle the rejection is, a no is still a no. but sometimes other people are just not used to hearing that word: no. although it may bruise our ego the best thing to do is not to push it but rather to silently walk away and lick our wounded pride and just forget about everything.

i've been hanging around with this kid (and i say kid because he's still 21 and im as old as his grandfather) and i jokingly matched him with another friend. for some demented reason he is not interested with my friend but instead he turned his attention to me.i've been telling him im not interested with younger guys and that i just see him as my younger brother. im not sure if the message got across and if he chose to ignore it but he is definitely not stopping. he just wont take no for an answer. i tried persuading him to give my friend a chance but i guess my matchmaking skills are not working because he just wont budge.

it gets irritating whenever he keeps on texting and calls me those unimaginable terms of endearment. when you dont reply he would think you ran out of load and he would immediately load you up. when youre at work he would bombard you with text messages and youd end up with 57 messages before your shift ends and then he would apologize saying hes just bored.

i already asked him to stop calling me baby, honey and whatnot because i cringe everytime i hear someone call me that. he agreed but in one stupid condition: that i will be all his the moment he pass the board exam for nurses. just so he would stop, the stupid me agreed and now im really getting annoyed with all his drama in life. that was a mistake, i know but i got really annoyed that i just said yes to all the things he was saying just so he would shut up.

i dont really want to give him false hope and i dont to play around with him, but when you're being pushed to the wall and you feel like being cornered, you squirm and you find means to get out of that tight spot; thats what i tried to do, though it wasnt really much of a graceful exit. we all want to feel needed and loved but i dont think pushing yourself to someone and acting like a total fool will call upon the feelings you wanted to come from the other person. since he wont back off i guess bitch slapping him with the fact that my heart belongs to someone else will do the job.

confuse

2009-03-11T12:26:00.000-07:00

one way for you to be really happy is to take risks. although these risks may bring the danger of getting hurt, it still feels good to know that at the end of the day you have given it a shot, that you'll go to sleep not thinking about all the what ifs in the world. the biggest mistake and failure they say beats the hell out of not trying at all.

i am in good terms with my ex and though we have our own dramas in life, we still click after almost two years of not keeping in touch. its nice knowing that our relationship right now is way warmer than how we started years ago. he knows i am selfish when it comes to attention and time and yet he's still there teasing my heart that it does back flips and somersaults everytime he says those three words. my heart says go but my mind is saying no. i have doubts and im born a skeptic.

i really wanted to let go and just throw all the caution to the wind and just let myself fall. however with the knowledge that he will be leaving soon, will it still be worth giving a shot? i was saddened when he mentioned that he will be leaving the city soon, how much more if we will commit to each other and spend days and months apart? i never believe in LDR. i dont think it will ever work with PLUs. the day that i told him i was sad bout the news he just laughed and didnt give it a thought. that saddened me all the more.

i dont want him to go but i will content myself with the thought that there is always a new story after every chapter. im glad that despite my being so-hard-to-get-along-with-sometimes, he's still a friend and he knows how to cheer me up. i just hope that whatever the outcome of this thing that we have we both end up finding a portion of that happiness we are looking for.