eye_spy ... i have you at the corner of my eye ...

I wanted to explore the other side of me. The darker spectrum of my id. I wanted to see if I can really transform myself into a manwhore like how the people around me sees me. I just want to push myself to the limit and see how far I could go.

So I kind of went active again on this dating-pimping-crusin'-however-and-whatever-you-want-to-call-it-site. I exchanged messages to several members and when I got home this morning one them called me up asking if I would like to meet him up. He asked if I can just sleep over at his place since he won't be going to work anyway. I accepted his offer and decided to take a shower first before going out of the house. I was already inside the bathroom, about to clean myself when I noticed that we don't have any water. The faucet and the pail beside it was literally bone dry, not even a drop of precious water.

Divine intervention? I would like to think so as I really don't want to go out of the house without taking a shower.

Then it dawned on me that the reason why I'm doing this is mainly because I feel cheated, betrayed and I'm still hurting for some reason not even clear to me. I guess I'm not really good at this and who am I kidding, ruining myself won't even out the score. I won't allow this pain to catapult me to self-destruction. I know my worth and not even that person or anyone else for that matter can put a price to it. Methinks, that I'm kind of good at flirting and I normally chicken out if I go beyond my comfort zone. It's just the chase that I enjoy.

So I texted him saying I won't make it and he got pissed off. He said he already made breakfast for two. Sweet really but that's already so overrated. I didn't reply, instead I deleted his number, sat in front of the tube and played with the new game I downloaded on my PSP. I'll just forget about the entire fiasco and yes, you don't have to remind me that I'm as fickle minded as your girlfriend.

Now that I'm bleeding openly, I feel a bit lighter. As what Kahlil Gibran said:

"When love beckons to you, follow him... Though the sword hidden among his
pinion may wound you... For even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning."

I've loved and lost but I'd gladly fall again anytime soon. I always say I somehow got jaded along the way but that's just my mouth blabbering. It's always nice to fall and bleed for love even if its for the unrequited kind. This pain may pierce my heart yet I still believe that this too shall pass.

PS. I'm really hoping that we'll be able to go to Bantayan this weekend. Toucan Green Ranger needs a fucking change of scenery. Message me if you want to tag along... :)

PPS. Glad that we have water now else I will be absent at work!