Wishin' You Well

Posted by eye_spy | Posted in , | Posted on 10:08 AM

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A couple of days ago the Demigoddess made a blog entitled: There's Gotta Be More To Life, days after my Aunt passed away. I'm not really sure as to how to connect the two but for some reason her post was the first thing I remembered when the news came in.

My brother and I were just talking about her that Saturday morning and we know that she's terminally ill. Everything went wrong after she had her operation to the point that she started losing her voice. The thing is, the last time I saw her she was still up and running around, though I know she's sick she looks perfectly OK to me. Then we received the message that she left us the other day. I was stunned.

There were some comments made on that blog entry about the value and validity of eulogies and whatnot and that's one of the myriad of issues plaguing my mind now. I don't feel like working today and all I want to do is just sit and think of the things going on around me, including your death. Well it may be true that making trivial things seem profound won't help at all but there's this nagging feeling inside me that won't just go away. And I guess the only way is to hear myself through writing.

I wonder what will people say during the necrological service? I don't personally hate her and grudges were already settled but how about the other people she wronged?

They say the moment you die, your spirit is free to roam around and that's the time that you get to see and hear how other people see you whilst you were still alive. Pretty neat if that were really true but would you be willing to hear all the crap other people say about you? Will you take the chance to see yourself in the perspective of a different person?

How would you feel knowing that even your children half-heartedly grieve for their loss (or so that's what they say)? That though they came from you, they still talk crass things behind your back. I cannot in my entire lifetime say something negative about my own mother in front of any of my friends but you're son easily made fun of you and that saddens me.

Your demise made me think of how fleeting life is and how short it is to screw things up and to go about upsetting the people you come across. People always think and say good things when someone leaves for good but I honestly don't know what to tell them if they were to ask me for some memories of you. It's sad that you never showed me the other side of you -- the warm, kind and loving Aunt. I'm not sure what I'm trying to get across but wherever you are though, I guess I wish you well and may you find the happiness you are looking for. R.I.P Auntie!

can't think of a good title for this... its just one of those spur of the moment,.

Posted by eye_spy | Posted in | Posted on 3:02 PM

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There are times when you just feel like giving up and just throwing everything to the wind. Stop caring and just live like a driftwood floating in the ocean not knowing where the waves will take you. I feel like doing that lately, what with all the things I've been through. I just feel like curling into a ball and just sleep for a very long time, hoping that by the time I open my eyes everything will be just fine and I'll wake up from this bad dream.

But no! This is no dream. Life's a bitch and it's either you play the ball game or just sit on the bench while you watch everyone have fun. While I was moping around, licking my wound and trying to detach myself from this cruel world (read: feeling sorry for my own crap), The Big Boss above routed my attention to CNN and made me read this news about this quadriplegic.

He's this guy from Australia who wanted to end his misery and just go back to where he came from -- to ashes, to dust. Euthanasia is never an option but the high court of the country ruled out that the man has the right to refuse food and water and is allowed to die through starvation. He is paralyzed but he still has the capacity to communicate his wishes saying: "I can't move. I can't even wipe the tears from my eyes. And I'd like to die. I'm imprisoned in my own body. I have no fear of death. Just pain."

Sad really and quite a shock to all family and right-to-life advocates but the most depressing part is his losing the will to live. Well it may be true that at times I feel like giving up and I plan on ending my life in any imaginable ways but at the end of the day, I always chicken out. And I'm thankful for that. For being yellow. For being coward. For not taking my own life.

That was an eye opener and I thank thee Lord for pounding some sense into my head.

While I'm busy tapping on the keyboard and putting into writing my blathers and blahs in life, my seatmate keeps on bumping my chair. After reading this article, I don't know... I just feel like giving her a bear hug instead of being annoyed and strangling her to death.

Life... para kang buhay!