Posted by
eye_spy
| Posted in
drama sa life
,
musings
| Posted on
12:42 PM
We're on the road
We move from place to place
And oftentimes when I'm about to call it home
We'd have to move along
Life is a constant change...
you ever had that feeling that you're slowly losing everything you have? you try to tighten your grip and yet like the fine sands at the beach it starts trickling out of your palm the moment you have a handful of it. you panic. you try to catch the things that are falling and yet no matter how hard you try it's just no use.
you have to resign to the fact that everything changes. that the only thing constant is change. that change is inevitable! and yet, no matter how hard you try to pound those thoughts on your cranium its just not doing the trick. then you realize you need to wait, wait for the silt to sink and hit rock bottom so that the water will start clearing up. then you can wade your way out of the murky water.
but as you wait, various thoughts plague your peripheral consciousness and you start wrestling with those ideas. you get skeptical, you start weighing things and put to much time thinking that everyone starts looking at you queerly.
you should get hold of yourself and put anxiety on a leash. you have to brave the unknown to find that the beacon of light to cast away that darkness you fear the most. when you find that shining lighthouse, you'll get to see that the things that you think you need are gone but the people who mattered are just there. you were groping in the dark and in your panic you let go of their hands but they stayed. they are still there because you simply matter to them.
so you go back to your normal self knowing that everything is fine now. that though things may have changed and people always go, there are still others who chose to stay. that change is not that bad after all.
PS I know the song is a bit cheesy but i'm just loving it right now.
while speedily traversing jones avenue this morning, the person behind the wheels cursed as a whimper of an animal in pain reverberated our ears. out of nowhere a dog zoomed across the street and got hit by this maniacal driver who i presumed, was high on drugs as early as 5 am. instead of making a fuss out of it or playing dead in the middle of the street, the dog just ran the entire width of the road, limping on its hind leg and eventually disappeared at the back of a building.
not feeling a bit sorry for the dog, mister-i-have-bloodshot-eyes-and-im-high-on-drugs damned the dog saying, "piste kang iroa ka! wa ka namatay!" i momentarily laughed at that remark remembering that thats how an office mate curses every time he gets pissed off at work.
then a pang of remorse hit me like a hammer striking an anvil. i sat inside the jeepney transfixed, thinking: "Hey that dog is ME!
i am that dog! not because im covered with hair and i have its poor puppy eyes and four legs (oh! not the four legs!) but rather im a survivor!
lifes a bit harsh with all the bad news and all. love lifes zero and heck my sex life is going down the drain real fast. faster than i can utter the words: wait a minute! im still here. still standing and much stronger than yesterday. smiling like everything is just fine (and i know everything will be fine -- eventually!) and laughing my ass out louder than the deranged Sisa could.
im alive and im loving every minute of it!
im still here with feet firmly rooted on the ground, still upright and enduring the crushing of the hammer and the anvil. im still here and i will be here til i get to the end of the road.
Posted by
eye_spy
| Posted in
dating
,
friends
| Posted on
9:59 AM
my life is not something i wish to be cannibalized by the people around me, not even friends are welcome to pry into things i consider private. anything sexual and anything that has to do with my heart are off limits to people. its for me, myself and i to enjoy. other than that you can stick your nose into for all i care and we can go along messing each others business to a certain degree.
now i understand that most of my friends are concerned that i still dont have a steady partner til now. though i go out with a couple of people before, it never lasted for longer than a month or two and i never introduce them to my friends. not that im not proud with the people i date but rather because my friends are too engrossed with the hullaballo that one should have a boyfriend cutout from the magazine. they put too much emphasis on looks and think that dating someone who's not that hot or good looking is a social suicide.
i hate to rub it on their noses but they themselves are not that hot or good looking and they are not intellectually entertaining either. haha! i know we are friends but they're always mean towards other people that it gets irritating sometimes. there was one time when we were off work and we decided to hang out at mcdonalds downstairs for a quick chow and to use the free wifi, i saw my crush (the usual chinky eyed boy next door type) and i had one of my friend check him out. instead of just looking at the guy he scrutinized him and he (the guy) was just about a meter away from us. he wasnt satisfied with the staring that he even made some snide remarks about him not minding the fact that the person could have heard him. i was on the brink of going diva on him but i stopped, thinking that that's just the way he is. i would have pointed out the fact that he is already leaning towards obesity etc.. etc.. etc.
i mean, its ok if im seen hanging around with the not so cool people. for starters, beauty is a relative word. second of all, i get to choose who i want to be seen with and if everything will go completely wrong, it wont be you who's going to mope around and cry cry cry. and lastly, you may feel like youre the most gorgeous person there is but thats just that that... you feeling everything youre really not! now looks are of course given consideration but after first meetings i'd likely lose interest with how you look. i tend to gravitate towards people who can talk and at the same time carry themselves in public. guys who are smart are just damn sexy for me!
i was under the impression that i will be kissing dating goodbye real soon but nahh.. im renewing my membership to the dating club. call me?
Posted by
eye_spy
| Posted in
annoyed
,
drama sa life
,
sick
| Posted on
10:44 AM
for some reason i feel more comfortable talking about the issues of my life with people online, mostly to strangers. i dont know if we have some commonalities on that but i just feel that its better to talk to someone whom you dont know but can give you an objective view on the issue. other than that, its good that after the chitchat you can just say goodbye and forget about everything without fearing that someone might go gossipy on you. now i have a lot of things in mind lately and just this morning after being out cold for 2 short hours i suddenly woke up only to find out im no longer able to go back to sleep. sleeping for someone like me who usually dozes off for more than 10 hours a day has been pretty elusive lately. so instead of just lying in bed i decided to go online instead and talk to random people.
so i logged on to my YM account and browsed through the list of local rooms. i joined in and started talking to several people. my attention was leaning more on this middle aged guy who was kind enough to offer his two cents regarding my drama in life. he talked about religion and quoted some verses for me and i really appreciated that. he is smart and most of us would agree that whats between your ears is way sexier than whats between your legs. a couple of minutes of tapping the keyboard, he asked if i have a picture or a webcam and if i would like to see him on cam. i directed him to my friendster account which was by the way, set to private.
in turn, he invited me to view him. i accepted the invitation and lo and behold... instead of seeing a shrink with uber huge specs and tousled hair or a living saint with this radiating halo -- he displayed his dong for the world to see. yes, his junior was happily waving at the camera. what the fuck was he thinking? i cannot believe that someone so sensible was at the same time a pervert who was stroking his penor while advising me. mortifying!
i know life is what we make it and we attract what we think and all that but really.. im having a not so good day today. im feverish but im still at work and my stomach is growling in pain. hyperacidity attack --- again. incidentally, its not just me who's suffering right now. the person sitting right next to me has been complaining about his tummy the entire shift. and he just asked me a question awhile ago:
seatmate: have you had your endoscopy already?
me: no! im scared.
seatmate: me too! id rather have a d*ck probing my gullet than... what's that thing they stick inside your stomach?
me: (falling off my seat)
hmmm... i think my seatmate and that man on cam would really get along just fine.
i want my mama! :(
