eye_spy ... i have you at the corner of my eye ...

i dont know why people always have the impression that i am promiscuous. the very first person who told me that was this bitch of a friend who is so outspoken she'd already lashed out at you before she would even think of her words. we were having another drinking session then (this time -- just the two of us), when she told me she thinks i am a slut and that she fears i might contract some serious disease (God forbid!) if i'll continue with this lifestyle.

then one time, another friend who was under the influence of alcohol once asked some people we hardly know (but were with us that night), if they think im promiscuous. to my surprise they openly answered that yes, they think im one of those guys. i cannot believe they were assessing me openly. embarrassed and offended, i excused myself and called it a night.

then the same friend called me promiscuous again, on my face last sunday and added that im a cockteaser. i dont have any idea where that came from and i didnt see it coming but i retorted that the reason why he told me that was because i turned him down two years ago. that made him segue to another topic. it was a bit awkward really since there were just the two of us nursing on a set of beer while waiting for some friends to arrive.

early this year, while doing my new year's resolution, i came up with the idea that instead of having a list of promises i'd easily break, i'll have one NYR instead: never say never. thats for a change!

i am the type who's very loyal and i'd say im a stick to one if im in love. and when i give you my i love you that would mean that its you and only you for me. not that i dont have any lapses when it comes to relationships but pretty much i try to openly talk with it with my partner and i say sorry if there is a need to. i flirt but i dont touch. i guess being the voyeur that i am, in a way helps since i dont really engage in hanky pankies. i prefer to watch two guys doing it instead of getting involved in the scene (not that there are a lot of people who are ok with that set-up so there's not much to watch except for maybe, porn on dvds). i always choose to be the backdrop. that, or im the audience.

i guess its time for me to go exploring the darker side of me.

love would have to take the backseat and lust can comfortably sit in front as i cruise around town checking out the friendly neighborhood. everything is just a phase and i think i would like to try exploring my limits. and no, you dont get to lecture me on what to do and keep your judgments to yourselves. lets just say this is my way of finding myself and where i stand in the picture.